Live Laugh Lovely

Powered by the Son

2012-01-20T22:52:00.000-08:00

The other day, as I was traveling along the same old road I have driven so many times, I was thinking about life in general. Do you do that as you drive? Do you use that time to think? I do. I was thinking about how my life has changed so much in the past 5 years. What all I have been through-good and bad. The blessing's God has given me. The strength He has given me when I have faced struggles. Thinking about the challenges I have yet to face, and wondering where this road will lead.
As I looked over at a beautiful church I always admire-I noticed something I have never realized before. In front of said church, was a long row of power lines. It was early morning, and the sun was shining bright on this church, and it struck me.

All of the sunshine soaked power lines in front of said church were in the shape of beautiful crosses.

I cant imagine living my life without the power of the Holy Spirit.

The Power in the cross. The thought of it overwhelms me. God's power plant has no power outages. It runs 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. It has the ability to power the whole world. It's not solar powered-but it is powered by the Son.

For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.

- 1 Corinthians 1:18

Birthday Beauty!

2011-09-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

Look. At. Her. Isn't she adorable? Check out the rolls! I love the fat baby roll legs! Squishy pinchin' soft sweet baby! So Cute.

She must have been a beautiful baby..because baby look at her now! NOW she is all grown up and is celebrating her 65th Birthday, TODAY! You would never guess her age when you look at her. She looks at least 15 years younger than she is. She has never been under the knife..she just comes by it naturally. Well, that and the pink Dove bar soap and the ol'standby, Oil of Delay.
Everyone wants to know her secret for looking so young. I will let you in on her secret beauty regimen. She taught me that beauty is radiated from the inside. It can not be bottled, or improved by surgical enhancements, or bought from a clothing rack, but by true love and kindness.
Mom, you have taught me to love truly, unconditionally, walk proudly, live without limitations, and most of all, what a true mother means. Thank you for showing me the true meaning of beauty. You have the most beautiful heart I have ever seen.

Happy Birthday, beauty!

Leap of Faith...

2011-08-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

Skydiving: The sport of jumping out of an airplane at a moderate altitude and executing various body maneuvers before pulling the rip cord of a parachute.
Trust: Firm reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.
Skydiving is a leap of faith. So is trust. You are jumping out of the airplane, relying on your parachute will function properly, and that you will make safely to the ground.
It's hard to trust. Hard to trust that parachute will function like it should. It's hard to put yourself out there and give your all. Jumping out into the blue and praying you will make it safely to the ground and not get hurt. Scariest feeling ever.
I compare trust to skydiving because they both scare me so much. I have tried to trust in many who have failed me when I took that leap. Some I trusted not only once, but time and time again, even knowing I was in for a hard fall every time. It hurt so much, it made me afraid to try again. Afraid to trust, similar to a scared skydiver afraid to jump out of the plane.
God is my parachute. Everyday, I take chances...leaps of faith. He won't fail me. He has me in that plane, he prepares my heart and mind everyday for all good and bad that enters my life..and if I trust in Him, as He tells me to- He will keep His promises. If I would really look hard, I would see X marks the spot..but not on the ground, but in the cross. The cross He died on so I can jump- take these chances, make mistakes, learn these lessons in life, and trust. TRUST that all will be ok. Because He is my parachute. I can trust in Him that everything will be alright and enjoy all that life has to offer- while seeing all the beautiful views all the way...

Psalm 56:11 When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.

Sorry

2011-06-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

5 letters. Such a small word for a word that can encompass so much. Everyone makes mistakes. They are life lessons. Nobody is perfect. As the quote says, "To err is human, to forgive divine." I'm a firm believer in the power of forgiveness. When someone is truly sorry, they have learned from their mistake. They make the changes necessary not to do the same wrong thing again. The hurt and pain caused to others has an opportunity to heal.
Sorry can mean so much. Many times it can just be thrown out as a band aid. But the wound never really heals. Usually because that apology wasn't really meant. Nobody wants to be on the receiving end of a broken record sorry. That's the apology that is given over and over for the same thing. That person keeps forgiving only to have the same thing repeatedly happen. That wound will never get an opportunity to heal. Only get deeper and hurt more.
When you say sorry do you mean it? Do the wounds you inflict onto others heal or leave permanent scars?

"Right actions in the future are the best apologies for bad actions in the past." Tyron Edwards

The Power of a Hug...

2011-04-17T16:04:00.000-07:00

Somedays, there's only one thing that will make it better. Those moments when you need to feel the power of an embrace. Hugs are like medicine in your arms. Heart to heart, the power of love, all entwined and engaged between two.

The "congratulations" hug...

The" I'm sorry" hug....

The "I will love you forever" hug...

The "you are so special to me" hug

The "thanks for being my friend" hug.

The "everything is going to be ok" hug...

The "good job" hug...

The "make it all better" hug...

The "I love you so much, I don't want to ever let you go again" hug...

The "I mean it, I never will be ready to let you go..not ever " hug...

The "I promised to never forsake you" hug.

God keeps His promises. He promised to never forsake me. I know to trust in Him. Good times and bad. He's got his arms around me and everything's going to be alright. Why? Because He's holding me. Every day. All day. During the good, during the bad. He won't let go.

Hugs.

Have

Understanding of

God's

Salvation

Go embrace His love. It's the best HUG you will ever receive!

My Cup Runneth Over

2011-02-27T15:39:00.000-08:00

Thirsty? I know a place that provides free refills.
There are times in our lives we become thirsty. Not physically, but spiritually. Tough times can harden the heart. Struggles in day to day life can create a thirst. Thirst for peace. Thirst for happiness. Thirst for content.
Many attempt to quench their thirst the wrong way. Many think materialism will make them happy. So they pay for happiness. Acquiring "stuff" to fill a void. No matter how much is bought-that void is never filled. Only a quick high and another ache of want returns.
The lonely and lost sometime find temporary love. It's a false love-not a true love. A toxic love that poisons the heart, that will never provide what a real love would.
Some attempt to wash the pain down with alcohol and/or drugs. Usually this bad habit quickly becomes an addiction. Destroys families. That void is never filled, in fact-it becomes bigger. A deep dark hole that some never emerge from.
The hardships of life can also cause sadness, withdrawing from friends and family, very often causing depression. What someone feels is just a "bad mood" slowly becomes a way of life. A darkness that many cannot find the light.
This thirst for the love of our lives is in our hands, if we would offer it to Him.
It's so simple. If we would just gladly offer our spiritual cup to the One who gives free refills. He will fill your heart and life with all you need, if you would just allow Him to.
This is not something that comes easy to me. When I'm struggling and hurting, I have to remind myself what is lacking. I go to Him and He gives me more than I need. My cup runneth over.
You may feel like you are in a dry place, but the Lord can still quench your thirst. He provides ample water. Even if you are lost in a spiritual desert. If you go to Him, He will provide you a waterfall.

I pray that God, the source of hope will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the Power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

Over the Rainbow

2011-02-04T05:11:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like Dorothy? I do.
Some days I feel like I'm lost and trying to find my way home. If you are at this point in your life, you probably know exactly what I mean. A tornado has whipped into your life and it changes who you are. I think everyone has that feeling from time to time. Maybe it's that you don't feel like you are being your true self, reaching your full potential. Perhaps it's that you aren't in the right job. Some may feel as though they are in the wrong relationship. Maybe you are coming out of a relationship and learning to adjust. Whatever it maybe, sometimes we are just trying to find our way back home.
By going home I mean reaching your full potential. Becoming who you are meant to be. The tornado? Life experiences. Good and bad. That change you. Change your goals and dreams. The "lions, and tigers, and bears," are our fears. Fear of change. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what others might think. Fear of being hurt. They prevent you from walking down that path to get back home.
It would be wonderful if we could be like Dorothy, click our ruby slippers and say, "There's no place like home," and we would open our eyes and wake up where we want to be. Wouldn't it?

We can. We just have to follow the yellow brick road! The road being faith. The faith that God has a plan. Beyond the rainbow.
You aren't alone. You have your friends to travel along that unknown path to find the way home. He gave us a heart. He gave us a brain. He gave us bravery. If we have the faith to do it.
I'm ready if you're ready. Close your eyes and repeat after me. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.
Now go find home. Go find you. The you that God meant for you to be. Go fly above the rainbow and reach your full potential.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true

Turn..

2010-09-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

My favorite time of year. Fall. It's the most beautiful season in my opinion. I think it's because it reminds me how everything transforms and changes, like life. Warm temperatures are gradually replaced by cool ones. The once beautiful and lush grass starts to die off. The leaves start to change and fall. Although a huge change, still beautiful. Like life.
We go through a metamorphasis similar to the seasons. We change as life does, but every moment we can still find the beauty. Our sins remind me of the leaves turning. But as we learn and change those old ways and old leaves die off. We can count on God to keep His promises. We know spring will come and new leaves, new ways, new growth, will replace the void of the old. Because as we are renewed internally, we grow and change as He wants as too. A beautiful metamorphasis, similar to the changing of the seasons.
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose, under heaven.
-Ecclesiasiastes 3 :1

Daddy's Little Girl...

2010-06-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

I once heard, "Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy." I know I've said it many times before, but my dad is like no other. He doesn't say much, but I know exactly how he feels. He would do absolutely anything for me, and perfectly, because it's for his little girl.

He can look at me and know exactly how I'm feeling. He can look at me and give advice without saying a word. He can love me without telling me. Because he shows it. He is a man of his word, a man of integrity. My dad leads by example, not by preaching. He doesn't say much. He just does what's right, puts no thought into it because there is no need to think about doing the right thing. You either do it or you don't. He chooses to love by doing exactly what he should do, and without making a lot of fuss out of it.
Dad, I want you to always know how much you mean to me. I've always thought you were the strongest man alive. You have been through so much in your life, but I can't ever remember hearing you complain, or making an issue out of it. You have loved my mom like so many kids want to see their moms loved. With honesty, respect, and love. Thank you for that.
I have so many memories of time together. Not on fancy vacations or major events. But in the things that matter. Every day life, simple times together. Not alot of useless words said. One look has always summed it up. I hope the blue eyes you gave me tells my children what you've always told me. I love you.
Happy Fathers Day,
From your adoring little girl.

Just Breathe...

2010-06-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

Stop. Inhale. Exhale. Listen. Just be.
Do you ever do that? Just be. Just you and a rare friend called silence.
I like to just be. I have a special chair on my back porch that is slowly becoming my "thinking chair." I like to ease my self into that rocking chair and just rock, and be. Just me, myself and my thoughts. It's a great place to reflect, a great place to pray, and a place to...just be.
To me, life is simple. In every aspect of the word. I am all about a 10 letter word. Simplicity. Life is about the simple pleasures. I think about that often when I'm in "my chair." I think about my kids, and how they are changing, I think about my past, I dream for my future. I enjoy the sounds of the birds, the breeze in my hair, the sun on my face. I go into my zone, relax, inhale...exhale. Just be. Where the only thing on my itinerary for that moment is breathing. Thinking. Pausing. Reflecting.
Life is too busy. Too hectic. Sometimes we forget to just take a minute. Pretend your life is a movie. Take a moment. Hit the pause button. You can get back to the rest later. Have this be your intermission.
Can you do that for me? Can you find a quiet place, just you and silence? Say a prayer or just reflect in the moment. I once learned this and I want you to try it. Don't feel silly. Just do it. Think about it as you do.
When life gets too hectic and you are sweating the small stuff, when things are getting out of hand and you are losing control, or you just are forgetting what life is all about. Go into a "silent zone." No distractions, no sounds. Just you and the sound of your breathing. Just you and your thoughts. Get into a calm state. Say a prayer or sit and reflect. Once you feel like you are in tune with yourself, put your hand over your heart. Just sit and feel your heart beat. Realize the miracle you are feeling. Think about the amazing creation He made you to be. Think about the breath you take. In and out, and the beating of your heart. Be grateful for every beat of your heart and every breath you take and the miracle of just existing. It's a celebration of life.
I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am, I am, I am.
-Sylvia Plath

Lost

2010-05-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

If you could turn back time, what would you do? Would you be where you are now? Would you have made that same choice? Would you have turned down that same road?
3 dangerous words. Shoulda coulda woulda. I do that alot. I ask myself what I could have done differently to prevent bad things from happening. All it does is make me question myself constantly.
My mom has always told me that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. When I was younger, I didn't get it. It use to annoy me when she said that. I would just respond with an irritated, "What does that meeeaaannnn?" But now I get it.
Sometimes obstacles in our life prevent us from seeing the picture. The obstacles being the trees. You get immersed in the details. But eventually we can see the forest, if we wait patiently to get where we can see the view. Family and friends can see it because they aren't as emotionally involved in the problem. You have to rise above all the negativity to see the bigger picture. But in reality, sometimes I would just rather climb under a rock until I've had my pity party. Once I've released all my tears, I'm good about getting out of my funk, putting on my big girl pants as my mom says, and turning it all into something positive.
So if you are feeling like a lost soul, wondering through the forest, not sure if you'll ever find a way out, just look up. God already knows your path. He was there when you started your journey, and He will be there at the end. Trust in Him to get you through. Let Him be your compass, your water when you thirst, the peace when you are weary.
So today I'm leaving the shoulda, the coulda's and the woulda's under that rock. I'm putting on my hiking boots and I'm looking at the path through the trees. I'm trusting every step I've made is the one that had to happen to get me where I am right now. My path is His plan. When I finally reach the top I will be stronger. I will be able to look down at that beautiful view and see how far I've come. Isn't that what life is about?

Clean Slate.

2010-04-18T06:25:00.000-07:00

Good morning, class! Today's lesson will be on a theory that has not been proven, but one I very much believe in. It is, matter of factly, one I choose to live by. You may take notes, but please pay attention.
First of all, I think life is a lesson in it's own right. I think every day you are given a test. You either pass or fail.
You see, in these life "tests" we are given multiple choice questions. We can either choose to A) do the right thing, B) Do the wrong thing, or C) waiver between A and B, never really being confident in our answer.

Of course, no matter how you look at it the answer is A. Some people don't believe in this. Some people think they can go through life giving excuses for their poor judgements. This is where my theory comes into place.
My theory is the clean slate theory. I have talked about it before, but didn't go into much detail. The clean slate theory consists of a pretty black and white, cut and dry, no nonsense approach to daily life.
I feel that if you choose to live your life like this you find it becomes habit to keep your slate clean. You know the right way is the only answer. Oh friends, I never said it's the easy answer. Doing the right thing is very often the hardest thing to do. But if you wanna keep that slate clean, you have to choose it with every test.

Once you start marking up that slate with wrong answers, it's easy to keep making wrong decisions. Until it's finally covered in all your mistakes and finally one day you hit rock bottom. I think when you can easily lie, you can cheat and steal. You must go to your teacher and ask for help cleaning up your chalkboard. So you can start over.

When you ask for forgiveness of your sins, the Ultimate Teacher will listen. Yes, he has instructed us, time and time again the right ways to live our lives. But so many of us live in the here and now they rarely stop and take time making right decisions with each step. But if you go to Him and you ask for forgiveness, he will wipe your slate clean. He will erase every mistake you have made so you can start over.

Our textbook is the Bible. We can read it, study it, memorize every verse, but until we implement it in our daily life, that is all it will be. Words.

We are His students. He is our teacher. He knows we are going to make mistakes. But will we learn from each mistake? I will try. Will you?

If given a grade right now by our Ultimate teacher, would you pass or fail?

I hope you dance

2010-03-13T08:25:00.000-08:00

I love to dance.

Always have.

Ever since I was a baby.

I think dancing is in the heart of every little girl.

When I was a little girl, I dreamed I would grow up to become a famous ballerina.

I danced every chance I could...

I would dance by myself,

Dance for an audience...

Dance when I was happy, sometimes even when I was sad...

Barefoot in the grass...

Sometimes fancy shoes,

I didn't care how good I was...

I just danced.

I twirled.

I danced to show off my pretty dresses.

I danced to get dizzy enough that I couldn't see straight...

Sometimes to show off in a grand performance for my mom and dad in the living room.

Sometimes just to see my shadow...

I hope no matter what life throws at you, you choose to dance. Dance when no one is looking, dance when everyone is watching. Dance in your prettiest dress, or in your pajamas. Dance when you're happy. Dance when you're sad. But in this crazy life, if given the chance to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance.

Moving on...

2010-02-12T08:02:00.000-08:00

Pack it up. Yes you. The one with all the "what if's" going through your head. You've been carrying it around for too long. Leave all the doubt, self-blame, guilt and shame. You don't need it anymore where you're going. Move on.
Leave the past behind you and embrace your future. It awaits you.
We all struggle with the choices we make. We want others to make it for us. We forget our goals, dreams, aspirations. They go by the wayside for one small four letter word that prevents most of us from attempting our dreams. Fear.
I allow negativity to weigh me down. Constant battle every day. Not from others, but within myself. It's an awful habit that is hard to break. As smoking is to our lungs, self-doubt and low self-worth hurts the heart, hurts our minds, and keeps us bound and broken. Broken to realize the power we have in our own lives to make things happen. Our dreams can come true. If you realize God has given you the power to make them happen.
Well today I'm moving on. I'm packing up all the positive things in my life. The things that won't be coming in that suitcase is uncertainty. Negativity. Painful memories, you can come along, if only you realize in my suitcase I carry the lessons I learned from each one of you, and the power to change them in the future.
Where am I going, you ask? I'm taking the right path. Full of right choices. Those choices are always the hardest to make. But sooner or later you know you've got to be in charge of your own vacation itinerary. I know where I wanna go.
As I pack this suitcase I realize I just need the necessities.
First and foremost, Faith. My faith sees me through my greatest bumps in the road. He is my GPS. Without Him I wouldn't know where to go.
Self-confidence. He made you to be your unique self. Don't doubt. Trust that He doesn't make mistakes and He created you with love in His own perfect hands. Embrace YOU.
Honesty. You were born with it. Use it. We don't need to go through life being anything but our honest selves. Your true self, deep down at your core is a road map to what make you YOU. Be your true honest self in your actions, in your words. But always remember your actions speak louder than words.
Hope. Everyone needs hope for tomorrow. But we also need hope from our past. Hope that all the good and bad has somehow blended together and taught us lessons for the future. Everyone should have hope.
Forgiveness. We all have to carry forgiveness in our hearts. If you don't then you live a very lonely life. Everyone makes mistakes.
The ability to change. I once read, if there were no changes in life there would be no butterflies. Everyone has the ability to change. Some want to stay worms and some make the changes to turn into that beautiful butterfly. Life is all about change.
Love. Love for God. Love for my family, love for my friends. I have a lot to give. My motto is what you give, you get back. I'll continue to give all I have.
Dear God,
I know you have a great plan for me. I know I don't always trust in that, please forgive me. Only you know the story you have written for me. I will try to trust in that more. Please give me the strength to make the right changes in my life. I want to live the life you have intended for me. I know the story you have written for me is so much bigger than anything I could dream of. Thank you for this trip called life.
Amen.

The Notebook

2010-02-07T09:22:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for the blessings in my life. One particular blessing is one I received a year ago. An amazing man with an amazing heart. We cherish each other very much. We've often asked each other why in the world we didn't find each other sooner. But we know things in our lives were meant to happen a certain way. We love every minute we get to spend together. We value it.

We have something we simply call, "The Notebook." We put things in it that we want to experience together. Mostly little things, some silly, and some romantic. But each meaningful.

I think everyone should have one.

We have probably done more in one year of things of value then most couples cherish together. I think it is because we value the small things in life. We love experiencing life's simple pleasures together. We don't wanna miss anything. We think of something we want to experience and we write it down. Then after we've done that particular thing we check it off. Dance in the rain? Check. Sing a duet in front of the family? Check. Picnic in the living room? Check. Sleep by the beach? Check.

We want to take advantage of each minute together. Like my blog says, Live, Laugh, and Love(ly) Cherish every moment with your love. Don't take a bit of it for granted. Make it YOUR STORY.

How beautiful would it be if the end of your notebook you looked back and realized not a moment was wasted? Flipping through the pages and remembering....

I pray you take time to write your story.

Happy ending to your story?

Check.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Finding my wings...again.

2010-01-29T09:16:00.000-08:00

Do you like analogies? I do. Sometimes. Makes me understand things easier. So I will give you an analogy today with my oh-so-late blog posting that seems to be as if I just posted it yesterday. But it was before Christmas. BEFORE CHRISTMAS! I'm sorry for not posting like I use to. I made a vow to myself that I would start blogging more. But I haven't. It's not because I've been busy. But I have been busy. It's not because I haven't been on my computer. Because I have. Been on my computer that is...but, the truth is, I haven't been feeling like myself.... I have said before that blogs should be used as therapies. They are great for that. They feel like an on-line diarrhea diary session. Just get everything out. Off your chest and through your fingertips onto the computer keyboard and with one push of the button everyone has the opportunity to read what's heavy on your heart and mind. (If that is, they stumble upon your blog, and I don't think that's an issue in my case:)
Back to what I was getting at. I haven't felt like blogging. Honestly, I haven't felt like me at all. My life is going fine, I have many blessings I'm thankful for but it's hard for me to explain what's going on with me right now.
So here's where my analogy comes into play. It's almost like for so long I was this little worm. I was use to being a worm. Then I left a situation that left me down in the dirt for so long. I started making my home (spinning my cocoon) for my children and I-setting up this new home and life for us.
Metamorphasis. I changed. I had grown these beautiful wings and was having a great time using them. I felt beautiful again. Free. I enjoyed all the things that I feel I had missed out on so long. Becoming Gina. I did feel like a beautiful butterfly...
Then I smacked into a car windshield (insert laughter here)
I have hit a lull. Some days I feel like I have to fight myself from transforming BACK into that worm. Self-doubt, uncertainty, sensitivity. Attacks on myself, not from others, but myself. My own worst enemy seems to be: Me. Myself, and I.
So my New Years Resolution? Finding my wings again. Reminding myself that I am a beautiful woman of God. The one he intended for me to be. I don't have to live up to any standards. Love those around me like they should be loved. Leave the past in the past. Dream about tomorrow. Hope for the future, but be happy with right now. When I look in the mirror, remember to see past what's at the surface. When I look at my children, remind myself that I can take a little bit of credit for their smiles. When I look at my home, be proud I have spun my cocoon into a safe and happy enviroment for myself and my children.

I have to take care of these wings. I need to love myself so that I can teach my children to love themselves, so that one day, with a little bit of love, care and guidance, they can spread their beautiful wings and fly.

Santa Baby,

2009-12-21T13:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,
I know it has been a very long time since I've written to you. Please accept my apologies...I know you probably assume that it is because since I'm all grown up now, that I don't believe you anymore. That's not true.

I've just been awfully busy the past 25 years. It's not that I haven't thought about writing you my wishlist.

I haven't forgotten about you! I really have been a good girl, er....woman and I sure feel like I deserve alot this Christmas....

If it' s not too much trouble, can you go over my Christmas list?

Here goes:
I want....um...Ok. I need a, oh...wait a minute. I've really had my heart set on a well, what do you call it? Oh my, my mind has gone blank.
Well, Mr. Santa Claus, I guess all I really want this Christmas is a whole lot of um.... smiles from children when they open their presents. Lots of pictures taken by yours truly where everyone in the picture is happy. I want lots of laughter and contentment.
No fighting. No heartburn from overstuffing. No tears.
I want all the right size batteries for all the right toys and the knowledge to put them together.
I want snow. Preferably starting at 6 am. Lasting through out the day. BIG snowflakes, please.
I want this to be the best Christmas ever.
Don't forget, I've never been on the naughty list. So I'm sure you will have it in your heart to make all my wishes come true this year.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Gina
P.S. Those boots wouldn't be too shabby either :)

Brrrrrrrrreeatthhhe....

2009-12-12T10:39:00.000-08:00

Brrr. It's that time of year. Cold and Christmas-y and don't forget crazy!!! Everyone is so busy getting ready for the Holidays. As if we aren't busy enough with just work, kids, school and everything else that just comes along with day to day life..then throw the Christmas season into the mix and BAM! Chaos!
Don't get me wrong...I absolutely heart the holiday season and all that entails. No matter how cold it is outside, you seem to carry a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. There is something magical about it. You see more smiles in the faces of the people encounter and a lot more kind words are said this time of year. I love how I love yous are thrown around more at Christmas. It's like we are all so much more thankful for the gifts that are our family and friends and we appreciate them more this time of year. But it's so busy. We often forget what we are rushing around for, times are so busy, money is so tight, people get so overwhelmed it's often a sad time of year for some folks.
I'm here to say STOP, take a breath...don't get "snagged" on the idea of spending and rushing and stressing....Take a breath, regroup and just listen to me.
I heard a story on the radio about a single mother who had two small children and times were tight. She couldn't afford much for her children but one child reminded her that it was Jesus birthday, and they should make him a birthday cake. No matter how little was under the tree, she could afford to make a birthday cake to celebrate the real reason for the season. It became a tradition that she passed down to those two children and now they have the same tradition also. Many people forget the true reason as to why we are celebrating.
That's a true gift in it's own right. Hold onto it. You've unwrapped it. You carry it in your heart. The love for your family and friends and most of all the biggest present you could ever receive is the gift of knowing and accepting Jesus into your heart. Hold onto that gift all year long. Don't exchange it for busy schedules that make you forget what's important. Don't return it because you are so broke this year you think all hope is lost, because that is NOT what Christmas is about. It's about a baby born specifically to grow up to die on the cross for you and I so that our sins may be forgiven. You will never find a love greater or a gift bigger than the love you will feel having God in your life.
Baby, it's cold outside. Warm your home and your heart with the love of the real reason for the season. Jesus. The gifts you wrap won't seem as important. The ones you can't afford will become less frustrating. But the gift of His love will last year the whole year long.

Counting Our Blessings...

2009-11-29T14:42:00.000-08:00

Did you have a blessed Thanksgiving? We did. It was like none we've never had. In fact, my children and I didn't have any turkey. We didn't eat much at all. We all shared on thing though. The flu...
Instead of checking the temp of the turkey, I was checking my children's. Instead of hugging all the family and catching up with long lost friends, I was rubbing aching backs and speaking comforting words to very sick kids.
Instead of enjoying a guest room at the generous relatives house, my daughter and I took up occupancy in the hospital so she could receive fluids.
So why am I saying my Thanksgiving was a blessed one? We are all improving. This is just like life. You plan on one thing. You might have your menu meticulously planned out, house cleaned spotless, door open and ready for guests and in one moment everything changes...
This Thanksgiving we counted our blessings-for a healthy and recovering household. For the ability to be sick to appreciate our health even more.

As we were leaving the hospital I glanced in a couple of rooms. I saw some less fortunate then ourselves. I said a prayer. Will you do the same? Pray for what you have, the lessons you've learned from your trials and being thankful EVERY day for what you have. Right this very minute.
-The quickest way to become rich is to count your blessings.
-Unknown Author

When She Loved Me...

2009-11-21T10:00:00.000-08:00

Did you have a baby doll growing up? I did. Her name was Anita. She was my best friend. She went everywhere with me. She taught me so many things.
She taught me how to be a mommy. I know your mother is really the one that instills the motherly example. But a true mama first probably started out being a good mama to a special baby doll growing up.

I think as we are little girls our dolls teach us to care for something that never asked to be taken care of. We were given our babies and something within our hearts knew to take care of it. What a reward it was to change our babies clothes, take our babies on walks and cuddle up at night with our special treasure. Nothing could replace that feeling.

My baby taught me to not neglect my responsibilities. It's true. I would never ever think of leaving My Anita out in the rain. Never left her on the floor. If I was off to school she had a special place on my bed she would wait until I got home. I pretended her babysitter was taking good and loving care of her while I was away. Boy, she cried something fierce when I left. But always was so happy when I returned. Nothing could replace that feeling.

What memories we made. Long walks in any weather. Talks on a ratty old quilt sitting under a tree. She had a special place right in the crook of my arm. I still remember her baby doll baby powder sent. I wasn't the only one providing the care. She could make me feel so much better when I was sick. Her hugs could stop my tears when I was sad. When I was homesick for my mom if she were away on a business trip I hold my baby tight and it took the sting away. I never thought I could love anything more...
Nothing could replace that feeling...
Then when I was handed my newborn that miraculous day many years ago I realized that motherly feeling I had learned with My Anita was just a tiny fragment of how I would feel with the real thing. The void of my life was filled and my cup runneth over. I couldn't imagine loving anything more...Nothing can and will ever replace it.
I watch my daughter play with her dollies knowing with her condition she will probably never have a baby. But that's OK. She has the mommy instinct just like I had. She knows how it feels to receive that same love, and how to give it. When she's sick her baby makes it better. When she goes to the Doctor her baby goes too. She is tucked into bed with her every night. That is a special feeling she gets to experience and nothing will ever replace it. For what are we if we do not know what it feels like to receive love and nurturing and how to give it to others?
Just like My Anita...

Zzzzzzzz......

2009-11-08T13:15:00.000-08:00

The nights he doesn't visit are so difficult. I lay awake and wonder when he will arrive. Sometimes, he doesn't show up until the next day. I don't like when he tries to visit during the day. Because normally it's when I am at work or way before the sun goes down. When I go without seeing him for too terribly long, I'm in love with someone special. His name is Mr. Sandman. He puts a hypnotic spell on me almost every night. He fills my mind with dreams that only the night can bring. He knocks me out and makes me drool and leaves me wanting more.

I get cranky. I get angry with him. I turn to other methods to get a glimpse of him. Over the counter medicine just so I can see him. He should share his time with me more. Doesn't he know I would feel better and be happier if he came to visit me more? Maybe I should write him a letter.

Dear Mr. Sandman,
I'm writing you this letter to remind you of my neverending admiration for you. I love how you make me feel so rejuvenated. You can make a bad day almost erase from my mind and you fill my mind with dreams.
I have a complaint though. You don't give me enough time. I miss you when you're not here. My nights ache for your company. I'm bored staring at the clock thinking about when you will arrive.
I know sometimes the alarm clock becomes an interference. I've tried to remedy that by starting to use the snooze button. Maybe if you visited when you were suppose to and weren't so late all the time, your visits would satisfy me until our next date. Sometimes your non-existence makes me feel as though I should see a doctor. I'm becoming desperate. Please understand how much I need you...
Either make me a priority or I will be forced to become an insomniac. You don't want that, do you?
Sincerely,
Gina
Yawn.

My Fair Lady...

2009-11-02T13:35:00.000-08:00

I heart Audrey Hepburn. I have said before, I am an old soul. Sometimes I feel as though I was born in the wrong era. I love all the old movies, actresses, actors and singers from the old days. I want to go back to those times and spend a day living in that time period. One of my favorite actresses from back then is Audrey Hepburn. She was amazing. She's classic. The first thing you notice when you see her is her outer beauty. But after you get to know her, you realize her beauty is her core. Her outlook on life, her humanitarian efforts, the way she aged gracefully.
I wish the actresses of today were the type of role model she was. She stressed upon the importance of inner beauty. But that the most important feature you can have are on the end of each arm. Hands to help others.

I feel as though I can relate to her on some levels. I'm a girl that doesn't cuss. I believe you can emit more beauty by being kind to others than wearing fancy clothes. I think your heart can reflect so much more than your words can by your actions.

I gathered some of my favorite quotes from Miss Audrey and would like to share them. I think they reveal why she was so adored by many. She didn't let her celebrity status change her goodness, chisel away any of her sweetness. She used to help and inspire others for years to come.

"For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness, For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people, For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry, For Beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day, For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others." —
"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." —
"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible!"
"The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it's all that matters." —

"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." —

"Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering - because you can't take it in all at once."

"When you have nobody you can make a cup of tea for, when nobody needs you, that's when I think life is over."

"It's that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up. Others matter more than you do, so 'don't fuss, dear; get on with it'." —

"The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows."

_____________________________________________
The most important part of her life was not in the limelight. Later in life her acting went on the back burner and and humanitarian efforts were priority. She was a goodwill ambassador for UNICEF in the late 1980s. Traveling the world, Hepburn tried to raise awareness about children in need.. She knew what it was like to be hungry from as a child in The Netherlands during the German Occupation. Making more than 50 trips, Hepburn visited UNICEF projects. She won a n Academy Award fin 1993 not for acting but for her humanitarian efforts.The sad part of this is that Hepburn had died January 20, 1993 after a battle with colon cancer.
Gone but not forgotten and her work still continues. Her sons carry on the tradition to help others. They established the Audrey Hepburn Memorial Fund in 1994.
Thank you, Audrey, you will always be My Fair Lady...

FALLing in love....

2009-10-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

This time of year has me thinking...
About Fall!! I love Fall. Every year I FALL in love with the cooler temps, beautiful colors in the trees, the feeling to cuddle up with the honey and watch scary movies (with my hand covering my face and peeking through my fingers)
I'm a scaredy cat! But I can own that-that's who I am. I jump at the thought of being scared. But I love this time of year for the fact of not only the weather but the fun and festive mood it brings out in everyone! I love it when adults get dressed up in costumes to join in the occasion of Halloween. It's like being a kid again. Pretending and being silly and enjoying the times with family and friends.

I love hot apple cider and decorating for fall. I love chilly mornings and layered clothes and the sound of leaves under my feet. I love the changing of the trees and the metamorphosis of Mother Nature. It's a beautiful thing-it's like it put's a spell on me. As the leaves float out of the trees and fall to the ground it's as they are waving goodbye to summer.

Every year I Fall in love...with Autumn!

Speaking of falling in love.....

Dear Sweet Man of Mine,
I'm so glad God has graced me with you in my life. You are my best friend and everyday, with every conversation, with every hand hold, with every kiss, I fall in a little bit more in love. Today I am saying a prayer for the changing of seasons, for hot apple cider, for family and friends and FALLing in love... with you!

Brace Yourself, Ethel!

2009-10-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

This crazy trip called life can take it's toll on us ladies. We are all multi-task-ers. We are mothers, housekeepers, cooks, nurses, accountants, chauffeurs, teachers, counsellors, lovers, friends, sisters, daughters. All in 24 hours. It's exhausting.
It can leave us feeling like this:
At the end of the day when I look in the mirror, I sometimes feel like this:
- Like a quote from my favorite movie, "Time marches on and eventually you realize it's marching across your face."
- So I'm pondering a new beauty regimen I'm going to be starting. I want to be one of those women who age gracefully and don't go under the knife to continue appearing youthful. My mom is one of those ladies. She swears by the little pink bar soap every day to wash her face. Then she uses what I will refer to as Oil of Delay beauty cream.
- So what's the deal with smile lines? Don't we want to appear as throughout our life so far that we have smiled?? After all at the end of the day, If I go to the mirror and look at myself and critique myself, am I really going to say" Dang, look at those lines around my eyes and mouth, it looks like I've been....dare I say.....smiling???!!!" Shouldn't our focus only be on frown lines? I have to catch myself when I feel my self frowning. I am starting to get an indentation (keeping it real, ladies) and it is becoming deep. So when I feel myself frowning, I stop. But we don't wanna look as we have been stoic. Botox-ing all our facial lines out makes you look like you have had ZERO personality and the sense of humor of a fence post.
  
  My friends think I don't have the wrinkles I should. Don't hate:) but at the same time, I have a girlfriend that has already botox-ed. I have another friend that is OBSESSED about her wrinkles. I try to listen and be there for her...
But at the end of the day you can only do what you can do...use your cream. Wash your face, use your Oil of Delay....

Look in the mirror and feel pretty...

Remember the lines on your face say something. The times you laughed, the times you cried, when you were angry. It tells your story.
Your story says you're beautiful. When you look in the mirror remind yourself who created you to be: this beautiful being, the one He created you to be.

" That person who is striking & beautiful is not always good, but that person who is good is always beautiful."

-Christian quote

Cry baby...

2009-10-14T08:02:00.000-07:00

Ever had them? Days you feel like crying or can't keep the tears back no matter how hard you try? My tear levy's never hold. They always break and the flood of tears comes rushing. I am a wear my heart on my sleeve kind of gal. It's one of my biggest downfalls.

The weather hasn't helped those blah feelings either. I think it must be in my same funk of a mood. Raining off and on as if the sky is having it's own crying spell.
I'm hoping the skies will break away and let me see the sunshine. Maybe then my oh-so- gloomy-poor-me mood will dissapper and my sunshine-y smile will return.
Anyone know a sunshine dance instead of the proverbial rain dance?

Have a Cupcake...

2009-10-12T06:47:00.000-07:00

Take the cupcake. You know you want to. It's a treat from your blogging friend. It's fat free! We are celebrating a special occasion, it would be rude not to take one.

What's the occasion, you ask?

Well....

100 posts!!! Yay! I'm so excited! I know your first one hundred posts out in Bloggieland is a big deal, so I'm really proud.

But it HAS been over 3 weeks since I posted. My first thought was to have my son write my 100th post. But after days and days of him pondering over it I threw caution to the wind and decided just to do it myself. But please look forward to an upcoming post by my bright young boy, because he assures me it will happen.

I want to make more time for my blog, I miss it when I'm away from it. So here I sit, for whatever readers do check in and I will commit to at least 2 posts a week. That doesn't seem like much- but YOU try sitting down to a blank computer screen twice a week and see how easy it is. Insert sweet but sarcastic smile here. Plus I'm starting to feel like the Radio DJ Delilah, because I try to add a song that fits the post. So each song on my playlist means something. Which was fun at first but sometimes is dificult.

So, in honor of this big event, I decided to look back and reminisce. No, not over my blog but happy things I remember throughout my childhood. Recently, when looking at a local small town paper my man of mine saw a column called I Remember. So he suggested I do my own short I Remember. So here goes:

I Remember
(in no particular order)

My Grandma Iris' smell. Avon perfume. But it smelled good on her sweet self.
Jelly shoes

Rubix cube

Swatch Watches

Cabbage Patch kids

Pot Roast smell coming home after church on Sunday

Naps on the weekend laying on the couch while my dad watched Public television (good napping TV)

Hula hoops (mine was peppermint scented) I was a hula hoop master!

Roller skates with the ball stop in the front.

Jaws. Gave me nightmares for years.

My obsession with stickers and sticker books

Getting up at 5 am when there was just a light dusting of snow to listen to our local radio station to see if school had been cancelled

Rave hair spray

Thundercats

My Wonder Woman underwear. Don't ask and stop laughing Jason.

Leg Warmers

Reading all the Nancy Drew books

My synthesizer on my electric mini keyboard. Hey, don't knock it. I rocked it out.

ATARI

Poodle perms

Ghetto blasters

Going to pick out my kitten, Buffy, at the animal shelter. He was my best friend til he died at 15. May he rest in pet heaven in peace. Love you, Buff!

Going cruising with my sister, but she made me lay down in the hatchback so nobody could see me. *Insert image of me sticking my tongue out at my sister when she's not looking*

My beloved Speak and Spell

My tree house my Daddy built me

Pillow people

Operation, the game. Scared the crud out of me too. Hated that game. Think my aversion to it was related to my can of biscuits theory. If you are new to my blog then you have no idea what I'm talking about. See Post titled, "Big Bang Theory."

Garbage Pail Kids. Those things freaked. me. out.

My sister letting me watch the Exorcist while under her care. Took me years to heal.

Goonies

My crush on River Phoenix

My little baton wand that had sparkles on the inside and streamers on each side. It was purty.

Saturday breakfast once a month with just me and my Daddy

Holding my mom's hand on the way to school

The Wonder Years

Playing at the creek on my parents property. I wanted to live there. Next to the creek with my dollies.

Rubber bracelets. All colors. Wearing lots of them at once.

My mom letting me pick what I wanted for my birthday dinner and me always choosing her chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes. Every year. The mess she had to make. Her cooking was and still is amazing.
Cartoons on Saturday mornings
My diary with a lock
My fear of grasshoppers
Worrying about when I would become an adult and forget all of the above.
So-here's to memories. Here's to my blog. Here's to 100 more posts. Here's to you. As I wipe tears from my overly sentimental eyes. It's my bloggie and I'll cry (happy tears) if I want to!!!!

Smiles.

Who are YOU?

2009-09-18T14:16:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed. I really am.
By blessings I do not believe God "blesses" you and your life with material objects. By blessings I mean your family, friends, your experiences. The rest is just a side note.
I believe we all are born into this world with this naked little body. We are handed to the people that love us and then showered with gifts. Over the years we accumulate so many possessions and as humans we choose think these possessions are a part of who we are, what make us. When in all truth we are born into this world with nothing, but strip us everything we own possession-wise away and who are you?
Strip everything away and all we can really claim we are is what is deep down to the core of you. All you really own is your integrity. All you can really give is your love, you can show your faith. You can earn trust. Your character you can pass down, you can lead by example. Be who you should be, what He intended you to be in His eyes.
Right now are you seeing what He intended you to be? I think it's so hard in this society to realize the possession we need to acquire are those that cannot be purchased. The old saying, "You can't take it with you" is absolutely true. You can't. But there are so many possessions you can leave behind for many generations to come. .
If Jesus calls you home right now what will you leave behind? A beautiful houseful of expensive things? Cars? Large life insurance policy? Is that what defines you and your life lived here? Or that you were a good person and you touched lives? That down in your core, rewinding back to the day you were born, that you lived the life He intended you to live?
If aren't proud of how you've lived your life it's not too late. It's never too late. We are ALL sinners. We are all a work in progress. It' s not too late to start living the life He intended. He has great things planned for you if you trust in Him to provide. He's bigger than any debt collector. He's bigger than any addiction. He's bigger than any medical diagnosis. Just accept Him into your heart and trust that He will provide. Start now.
I love life. I love eternity more. Live well.

Straight From The Heart

2009-09-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

The special man in my life fulfilled one of my wishes in our notebook. Our notebook of things we want to experience together. We think of something we want to do together and check them off as we go along. I asked him to write a post on my blog. He did an oh-so-amazingly great job. I had faith in him. He's a pretty amazing guy. So for your reading pleasure.....
____________________________
Listen. Just listen to me. :)

I love it when she says that.

When Gina first asked me to write on her blog, I thought," WHAAAAAT?" :)

She is such a good writer and I stink at writing. Except for checks. I have lots of experience writing them:-\

So I decided I could write about some who is special to me. I dont know if you know this person or not but I will share with you what I know.

This person is the most amazing person I have ever met. This person is the most honest, most true, most excellent person I have met. This person is teaching me that there is more to life than what you see. There is more to life than how much money you have in the bank. There is more to life than the kind of clothes you wear or the kind of car you drive. This person leads me by example but I think she is learning that a hammer sometimes the better teaching method with me. This person told me, "When we are stripped down naked, all we have left is whats within us. Our integrity" She(oops... ) I mean, this person :) always does whats right. Without fail. You know the saying, "Honesty is the best policy?" This person lives it.

This person is a wonderful parent. Scratch that. She is the best parent. She thinks she has the best parents. but I think they are a close second.. (Sorry Darrel n Vickie) Because what I have seen this person sacrifice for her two amazing children. A single parent is not an easy thing. But to be a single parent of a child with special needs is beyond what most of us can imagine. It is a full time time job. With very few praise. But she does it all without complaint. She is rewarded with the smiles, the kisses, and the hugs. Insert: little girl here with on hand on her hip, the other hand pointing up and head bobbing. Go Rachel! She is truely a blessing to everyone she comes into contact with. We all think we are trying to teach her but she is teaching us. She is an angel. But lets not forget the other child. He tends to be a wee bit of onery bear. He has his moms heart. But he is the man of the house and just does what he can to keep his mom happy and his little sister safe. A good kid who is comfortable being a kid. Not in too big of a hurry to grow up. And who can blame him. Growing up sucks! :) He is a straight A student and future guitar ninja.

But back to this special person. She is very special to me. I cant imagine not having her in my life.

If you havent figured it out yet, this person I am speaking of is Gina, the owner of this blog. She is the most amazing person I know and I am lucky to have her in my life. And did I mention how beautiful she is. I honestly do not even remember what she was wearing on our first date because i couldnt take my eyes off her face.

Gina, you are special to me, and want you to know how much I love you and love who you are. I wish I could be half of the person you are. You are an inspiration to all those who know you. Did I say I love you? I really do.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

2009-09-04T21:14:00.000-07:00

She was 12. He was 15. He was the first boy she ever kissed. She was only 16 when they got married. They look so young in the wedding pictures. But in love. 45 years later. Forty-five years later. He is still the only boy she has ever kissed.
Forty-five years later and she would still, after all these years, if she could go back in time to when she was 12 and he was 15. She would still choose him again. Out of all the boys in the whole world, she would still choose him.
Happy 45th Anniversary mom and dad. I'm so glad you chose each other.

Huh?

2009-09-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

What? Excuse me? I don't understand. Run that by me again. Can you explain? Repeat. I'm lost. Rewind, push play.. Whazzat? That one went right over my head. Pardon me? Hmmmmmm.....
Understanding others. Do you have this problem? Is it a chronic problem? Mine is. I don't get people. But I spend too much time trying to figure people out.
Recently I contemplated this age old question. I pondered this to help me understand others and the poor decisions they make and questionable things said people do. I came to a conclusion.
We are all crazy.
Enough said.
Have a nice day. (Insert laughter here.)

Drive-In Fun!

2009-08-22T06:41:00.001-07:00

Can you feel it in the air? Fall's almost here. The cool breezes at night tell me so. Summertime is almost over and schools are in session and the hectic-ness of life is slowly creeping in . My children started school last week and the time has been flying by.
In honor of Summer almost being over I thought I would share something I get to do tonight. I'm going to a drive-in! Drive-ins are becoming obsolete. I hate that. There's something so special about a drive-in. It's not like filing into a movie theatre, it's so much more than that. It can be very special for a family to do together, but at the same time it can be very romantic if it's just you and the one you love. A big screen under the big sky, feeling the night air. It's sooo cool.
So tonight it's me and someone special get to experience the drive-in. Picnic dinner in the back of the car, pillows and blankets and cuddling and popcorn and smooching and....oh yeah, the movie. Double feature. Fun.
This is someone special that I love to experience everything with. Big things, little things. We enjoy life's simple gifts together. That's more important than how much you spend, but how you spend it...
As I get older I realize even more what's important. It's making memories with the ones you love. It's wearing silly hats in public just to make your someone special laugh. It's dancing in the kitchen to Frank Sinatra because that's what she loves to listen to. It's truth or dare when you're all grown up. It's camping out under the night sky. It's tickle fights and belly zurberts. It's a notebook full of things you want to experience with the one you are so glad you found and can't wait to spend more time with. Like dancing in the rain, picking flowers in a field and adventures planned in a place she grew up. It's checking off the drive-in movie theatre in the notebook and maybe adding another underneath. Like hopefully many more memories to come.

Say it isn't so...

2009-08-16T11:41:00.000-07:00

It's yuck... I mean, it's back to school time. Yuck. I hate this time of year. I actually begin dreading this time of year the last day of school. Why? Because I am a worried mother hen. I wish I wasn't, but I am.Tomorrow my kids go back. Back to spending more waking time with teachers than with me during the week. Back to schedules, which means alarm clocks, sack lunch, homework, and heartbreak. Well, heartbreak for me, not them. I don't want to send them back.
I hear SOOO many parent's say, "I can't wait for school to start, these kids are driving me crazy!" They might as well run their fingernails down a chalkboard. I don't want to hear it. Kids grow up so fast. Summertime is the one time all year when you can be carefree with your kids and let them be....kids. I want to freeze this point in their lives and remember them just as they are now. It seems when school starts everything and everyone has to be so serious, so grown up like. It's tough. It also seems as though during the school year everything flies by so fast. Almost like fast forwarding their childhood. Summer almost feels as if a pause button has been pushed. If at least for a while...
So it's early bedtime and first day jitters. It's positive pep talks to get them in gear and a lump in my throat as I tell them goodbye at school. It's extra Tylenol for my aching head as I worry how my child with special needs is handling a whole new school. It's a cool rag across my forehead as I realize the extra things my first year junior high student son is probably learning not during class time but during social time. It's anti-nausea medicine as I ponder their futures and if I can keep up.
It's accepting the good, bad and the ugly when it comes to being a parent. It's loving every minute anyway. I would hope if I'm graded on how I do tomorrow I get an A. An A for Acceptance. Back to school. Yuck.

The Big Bang Theory

2009-08-11T15:37:00.000-07:00

I have many "theories" in life. A lot don't make since. Yes, I spelled "sense" as in"since" because I'm being facetious. Actually I should say feces-ish, because I'm full of "it"...
But just listen to me. One of my theories is the can o' biscuits theory. I don't like things that make noise when you are unsure when they are going to make noise. Like a can of biscuits. You KNOW when you start to pull back the paper on said biscuit can it could pop open and if not (shriek) as you twist the can eventually the can is going to bust open (gasp) Well, most of the time. Except for the times you have to take a spoon to the seam (I especially loathe those times) I will scream when they blow up. I know it's ridiculous but that's the way I roll. Well, not roll, but biscuit. Can of biscuit theory.
As you probably can guess I don't like surprises much. Think it's the can of biscuit theory also. Even surprises that I know are going to happen. Like a Jack-In-the-Box. Little box of horror. Shiver. Same thing pertains to my phone. I don't like to have the ringer on. I keep it on silent. I don't want to be surprised when it rings. I know it's stupid, but I'm not making excuses for myself. That's just how me, myself, and I operate.
So my good buddy ol' pal ol chum of mine comes over the other night and proceeds to make a dry ice bomb. Yes. Dry. Ice. Bomb. He did ask permission, I might add. I said yes. It was, after all, for my son, who couldn't wait to hear the thing go off. So, he loads the empty 2 liter pop bottle up with dry ice and explains to me he is going to fill this sucker up more than he ever has a bottle before so it will go off quicker. I'm thinking that's a good idea because the idea of this thing exploding in my backyard scared me to death.
He sets this experiment in terror up in my back yard, comes in, shuts the door and proceeds to tell me it should go off within thirty minutes. We pop in a movie and I relax the best I can. Sitting straight up on the couch with, you guessed it, a finger plugged in each ear.
Let's make a long story short. THREE HOURS of keeping my fingers in my ears later the can of biscuits , bottle of terror, HAD NOT exploded. The bottle had gotten so cold it cracked in the base. All of the gas leaked out. No boom boom POW. Just an annoyed little kid and a mama with a racing heart and sore arms from covering her ears.
Life isn't a bowl of cherries. It's a can of biscuits. Expect the unexpected. That's what I've learned to do. All while anxiously waiting with my fingers plugging my ears...

Little red riding in the hood...

2009-07-27T14:30:00.000-07:00

Riding a bike. Done it lately? Anyone who reads my blog knows my favorite form of exercise. What is it? Walking! Love to walk. Fast enough to burn some calories. Slow enough to take in the sights and sounds of the world around me.
My dad use to be an avid runner. Before his cancer, before his stroke, he could run amazingly well. I remember going to watch him in local running events. I was always so very proud when he crossed the finish line. "There's MY dad, I would say." He can't anymore. But it's amazing what he can do. He can ride a bike. FAR. It's amazing. I don't know how he does it. My parents live in the country, about ten miles from me and it isn't unusual for him to stop by to get a drink of water on his way around during one of his ventures. His stroke affected him enough that he had to change his life, but he didn't let it take away from it. He just had to tweak it to keep doing the things he loves. Have I told you he's one of my favorites? He is.
Another favorite is my beautiful girl. To all of you parent's with "normal kids" I have a bit of advice. Don't ever for an instance take for granted the little things your children do as they are growing up. Example: Riding a bike. In our little world my daughter, to experience things other kids do, we have to adjust to her world. The world can't change to meet her needs, we have to tweak things for her little world. My daughter is 9 and has low muscle tone and problems with her hips. I still push her in a stroller. We follow my son on his bike and she has always watched him longingly, even pretending she's riding a bike. So when I mention "walking" in my posts, they almost always involve me pushing my 50 lb. baby girl in a stroller. She hums, and imagines riding a bike like her brother. Her wish right now (besides talking) is riding through the neighborhood alongside her brother.
So for her birthday I racked my brain to figure out how I could grant my daughter this wish. I found many adaptive strollers that resemble bikes but she would know the difference. So one day after typing many different adjectives into the search engine, I ran across "the Helpers Handle." it's a push bar that goes on the back of a normal (yes, normal) children's bike. Pretty little pink glittery normal little kids normal bike. Nothing unusual about it except for the bar.
The first time on the bike she was scared, unsure and had no self confidence she could do it. The second time was different. She stared at the sky, smiled and took it all in. It was work. I had to push the bike, but also run ahead and steer. We got some weird looks. A couple smiled, an older gentleman drove by in his truck and slowed down to take a look at what kind of contraption I had. I wanted to exclaim, "I don't care if we look strange. My girls on a bike!" If she wouldn't have done anything but look at the sky with a smile on her face that would have been OK with me. I wanted her to experience it for as long as my little body can push her. I will give her that gift.
I'm to the point in her life that I don't care what all the other kids her age are doing. I try to let her experience life at her pace, but hopefully check off all the things that I think she will want to do with her life. She can't tell me. I can only see in her eyes, her actions. We will find a way to attempt them however we have to, not letting her "diagnosis" keep her from getting to try them. I'm starting to realize there is nothing wrong with a slow pace. We get to enjoy so much more that way. We can take it in and absorb each and every baby inch forward.
With only a couple weeks of practice my daughter is steering completely on her own. She needs no help with that part. I realized that is kind of like her life. I will take over and guide her as long as I can, then sooner or later, even if I don't think she's ready, I'm going to have to let go a little. She wants to do so much with her life. She only takes as much help as she needs. She doesn't say thank you, but her smile on her face says it all.
So I took her to church yesterday. During the welcome song, people were coming up to shake hands with us. One reached out to shake her hand. My daughter cannot yet say good morning. But she did say, "my bike." During prayer as she closed her eyes and prayed I imagined her thanking God for what she CAN do. Thanking God for her family and friends that love her so much as she is, for what she CAN do, thank you for sidewalk chalk, pretzels, the tire swing at her Grandma and Grandpa's house, her baby dolls and chocolate milk. For dreams come true. Like one little pink glitter bike.

Eyes Wide Open

2009-07-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

I've been a very bad blogger, (Slaps own hand in punishment) I have a very good, very important excuse that I am sure everyone will sympathize with. I was having fun! Between the Fourth of July, birthdays, garage sales, and a small and incredibly too short vacay this summer is flying by! But it has been a great one.
We came home from our short but sweet fun coupla days away to SCHOOL REGISTRATION forms in the mailbox. Can I get a big sigh from kids going back to school and parent's alike? I'm not ready for back to school shopping and apprehension about the dreaded first week of school and all that entails. I wanna stay in denial and keep my babies home with me. I have one off to Jr. High. I have another who is starting a new school also.

When we were on our trip we had such a good time at a large family amusement/theme park. My son road his first roller coaster. Now he is a certified roller coaster junkie. On one of the many that he rode, he asked me why I close my eyes on all of them. I realized, heading up the steep monster first drop off hill of terror I popped my eyes open. It was clear to me, if I saw where I was going, maybe it wouldn't be so scary. It was true, even though we were winding, dropping, loopty-looping, as long as I kept my eyes on the track it wasn't near as scary and I knew where we were going. It was so much more enjoyable.
So, a few weeks til school starts and life is flying by. But I won't dread or deny what's ahead. We will make it a great year of, twists, turns and loopty-loops. I won't keep my eyes closed and dread and fear what might be ahead. I'm going to enjoy the ride. But I don't care what you say, I'm NOT LETTING GO. No one said I couldn't hold on for dear life. Insert satisfied smile here.

Happy Fourth!

2009-07-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

Here's to fireworks. Here's to cookouts. Here's to families and laughter and good food til we are stuffed sick. Here's to pictures capturing all of the above. Here's to the red, white & blue.
Every year when I watch the big fireworks display with my family I do something unusual. I don't watch much of the fireworks. I watch my families faces as the fireworks light up the sky. Try to embed the memories of this point in time in my mind.
I hope your Fourth of July is full of noises. The noises of fireworks, families and laughter.
God Bless families , friends and good times. God Bless America! Here's to the red, white & blue and YOU!!!

Happy Birthday Baby

2009-06-27T04:27:00.000-07:00

I am always so sentimental around my children's birthdays. So as I type this, I'm overcome with emotions. Ever since my daughter was born I have learned so much. You think your heart changes when you have a normal, healthy child. When you have a child with special needs you have a different kind of love. It's not that I love her more than my other child. Because in no way do I. My love for my daughter is a love that you can only understand if you have a special needs child. It's a love of full acceptance, no boundaries and cherishing every bit of everything your given with that child. Unconditional, uncertain and it's a gift that only parents of exceptional children can relate to.
Every year around her birthday I am flooded with memories of around the time she was born. Mostly good, but also some bad. When she was first officially diagnosed I couldn't cope. I wanted my healthy, normal baby girl that I was assured would arrive. During my pregnancy I was so sure she was different, I voiced my concerns to family, friends, my Doctor. Everyone assured me she was going to be fine, and that all moms worry. But I had a gut instict. This was different. She was special. And she is.
When you are given a "diagnosis" like the one my daughter was given, it is like a death. You grieve for the baby you thought you had been given. As you hold your newborn, you learn to adjust to a different mindset no longer fast forwarding mentally to the college graduation, having a husband and starting a family of her own. Not that none of those things are impossible, because she has taught me there are miracles. Who knows what is in store for her? But all the things that you ponder with your "normal" kids don't pertain to a child with certain special needs. It's all about the here and now and setting up for the future, in case, God forbid, I'm not in it.
But as much as her diagnosis was like a death, her life has been in some ways-a rebirth. From the diagnosis til now has been a roller coaster ride. Grief, acceptance, to full blown joy. She has shown me a love that I can't explain. She has taught me to celebrate each milestone, each small baby inch forward. She can't keep up with what peers her age are doing. As she grows older it bothers me less. Her happiness is my priority. Her smile, her laughter, that she knows her family love her as the perfect person that she is.
I use to think why me? Now I wonder, how come I am so blessed? I have been blessed to be a caregiver to this angel on earth. That's what she is to me. She has taught me so many things about life. What truly matters. So every year on her birthday I feel like I am the one who gets the gifts. The gifts of another year with this precious girl. I am so grateful, daughter of mine, that you were given to this Mommy. I couldn't be more proud. You couldn't be any more loved.
This birthday is a special one. I hope today you feel as special as you are, and I hope you know how special you have made my life. I love you, baby girl of mine.

_______________________________________________

I was given this shortly after my daughter was diagnosed. This is an essay written in 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley about having a child with Down Syndrome, but I think it pertains to anyone who has a special needs child....

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip -to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."" Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ...about Holland.
So thank you, baby girl. You've taken me on a trip of a lifetime. There is no other place I'd rather be.

Home Sweet Home

2009-06-25T06:52:00.000-07:00

Nothing better than the feeling of coming home. You've been away, you didn't realize you were homesick. Then you swing open that front door and feel an overcoming "ahhhhhhhhhh" sensation move through your body. You are so happy to be home...
What is it about home that makes it so special? To me it's like security, comfort, surroundings that you love because of the sights, sounds and love in it. Your heart feels a little bit more at eaze at home.
I have someone special in my life right now. He is absolutely amazing. He doesn't realize it, but he is. I wasn't looking for anyone when he came into my life. He wasn't looking for me, but at this point and time, we seem to be right-for right now. We love being around each other. We can be so silly together. We laugh so much. We are at eaze with each other. We have sooo many similarities with just enough differences. There are times I can't see him every day, and his voice alone has to fill that void. When I'm not around him, I'm missing him every minute. Kind of like a homesick feeling.
This will not be a long post going on and on about how I feel. He knows. But I do hope he knows when he wraps his arms around me I get the overcoming"ahhhhhh" sensation that I have never have had before. So, so happy to be home....

Make A Wish...

2009-06-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

Do you ever make wishes? I bet many of you do. Not because you believe in them, but because it is fun pretending to believe in things that aren't real. That's why we don't step on cracks when we are little, that is why when we see a shooting star we get goosebumps. When we find a four leaf clover we feel like we found treasure. When we approach a wishing well, we look for extra change in our pockets. The realist in me knows these things aren't true but the child in me still loves the magic in it.

No matter how old you are, when you blow out the candles on your birthday cake, don't you still secretley make a wish? I do. I think I will until I'm a hundred years old, if God's will is that I live that long.

I've always wished for a bigger family. Growing up it was only my sister and I. But I always secretly wished for more brothers and sisters. Life doesn't always give you what you wish for, but it's so fun trying.But in some ways I have gotten my wish. What I mean by that is I have so many people in my life that aren't family by blood, but by love they are just as close as anyone I'm actually related to. I am speaking about two special loved ones inparticular. They have been in my life now for too many years to wrap my brain around. I can't imagine my life without them. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how special they are to me. They are a couple that have been married 59 years this week and are pretty much inseparable. So I would like to use this opportunity to formally wish them a Happy Anniversary. Even though I know God puts us together with our soul mate and there is an unbreakable bond of love, there is something purely magical about the love they share. They know everything about each other. I have rarely ever seen them apart. They are a blessing to watch, and a joy to have in my family. They may be my sister's mother and father-in-law, but they are somehow my family too. They feel like they have been in my life forever.

The lady of this beautiful couple's birthday is today. She is such a sweet, loving woman of God. Her voice calms you. She just has one of those beautiful sing-song voices. I bet she sounds like that even when she's angry. I have never seen her angry, but if she were, I bet she would still sound like she is singing a song from the Church Hymnal. For every situation she has a scripture. She is such a testament. I love her so much.

I wonder what she will wish for on this 80th birthday. I know what I wish for her. 80 more. 80 more years of shooting stars, four leaf clovers, wishing wells and love, sweet love. Thanks for being in my life, Dear Ones. You are loved.

Happy Fathers Day...

2009-06-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Dad,
Have I told you I love you recently? Well, I do. I love you more than you probably realize. I'm a daughter that says what's on her mind, and I have always tried to express it through my words. You haven't. But I still know completely how you feel and that you love me truly, fully and unconditionally. Do you know how I know? You made me feel loved. But you didn't do it through telling me. In fact, you haven't often expressed it through words like I so easily do. Since the fateful day of your stroke your words haven't come back as well. Although you have made miraculous strides your words are so hard for you to pull out of you mind and let fall out of your mouth. But what amazes me about you is I can see how much you love me in your eyes,(the beautiful blue eyes I was so lucky to inherit.) You are the kind of Father that never really has had to say, even when you were able, to say how you feel. So how do I know how you feel? Your actions. Your actions every day. Every day of my life.
One of my favorite memories we shared is when I was a little girl, way before your speech was ever effected. Before Cancer, before your stroke, before you were a Grandpa, while your little girl still had your last name. You took me on a canoe trip, just you and me. I remember riding in the passenger seat of Grandpa's old blue truck. The one you still have to this day. It was a long drive there. I remember holding my baby doll, with my head on the pillow and sitting up and looking at you driving. You looked over at me. Then do you remember what happened? You smiled. I smiled at you and laid my head back down on my pillow. I was sleepy as we were traveling and I drifted off to sleep. You snapped a picture of me napping and I still remember that "moment" to this day. Did you think I would say the canoe trip was my favorite memory? No. It was a moment just between you and me and your smile that spoke a thousand words. You said I love you and I am happy you're my daughter. No words, just your eyes that have always spoken words your mouth never could.
So Dad, on this Father's Day please think of that when you see me. When I smile your smile and look at you with your eyes God graced me with and give you the typical "Happy Father's Day!" exclamation and tell you I love you, know you don't have to say it back. I'm in the truck and I'm smiling at you and that says it all.
Sincerely,
Gina

Are We There Yet?

2009-06-17T15:38:00.000-07:00

Don't you wish life came with directions? A map, which way you are suppose to go, when you should take that exit, and when you need to turn around and start over.

Sometimes in life we get pointed in the right direction, sometimes by our friends and family, sometimes by gut instincts. I think God always gives us signs along our journey, but maybe we've got the radio up too loud or the road sign that told us where to go was something we didn't think we need to pay attention to to get us there. Maybe we were following someone who we thought was going the same place we were, and we realized soon enough that their destination wasn't the one we wanted to arrive at.

I think there are times when we are on the right road, heading in the right direction, and we just run out of gas. No motivation to get us where we need to in life. That happens to a lot of us "life travelers", doesn't it?

Sadly, some are in wrecks along the way, on the right road, heading in the right direction, with plenty of gas to get there and tragically crash along the way. Obstacles can keep us from our destinations also. Even if we have every intent of getting there, knowing the path, being patient on the journey, something can block the highway to get there.

Passengers on our road of life can effect if we reach our destination in life. If they are wanting to go in a different direction, making too many pit stops. You know those kind of people. Not sure where they want to go in life, but not really being a positive traveling partner on this said trip. Some are hitchhikers. They don't really know what path they want to take in life so they hitch a ride with someone who does.

What journey are you on right now? Is this the road you want to be on? Are you happy about where you're going? Is your traveling partner helping you along these travels, and wanting to go in the same direction, or have they become the obstacle in the road that you will never get past to get to your final destination? So wherever you go, whatever you do, take your moral compass. Pack plenty of nourishment for along the way- love, trust, honesty and faith. Don't forget when you get lost...look up. When you have traveled the road, on the right path, you will be on your highway to heaven. The road, with all it's potholes, pit stops and unplanned stops. The Bible is your map. I believe in it's promises. I believe in His promises.

Don't forget, HE will leave the light on for you...

BLAHg Therapy

2009-06-09T13:46:00.000-07:00

We all have good days and bad days. On bad days I normally can keep control of things. Most of the time I am like a magician locked within a straight jacket, working to get his hands free to release the power the mood has over me. That's all it is, a mindset. Moods, are all mental. Sure, people have have a way of doing something that will set you off and change the path your day is going, almost sending it down crap creek before you realize you are in charge of the oars. Today I am trying to get a hold of my own oars, put myself back on clear water and peaceful creek, and avoid the turbulent ride of the not so nice proverbial creek.

I have even turned to my Frank Sinatra today. Usually that can put me in a good mood. He calms me. Have I mention I love him? It's not like I listen to him and think, "Wow. He's a great singer." I just love his voice. It has a full blown calm me down effect. I popped his Greatest Hits CD in my CD player and you wouldn't believe what happened. Nothing. Nothing at all. Didn't even begin to lure me out from under my big black cloud of a bad mood.

So what do you do when life gives you a black eye and you wanna hit back? When your moods get all contorted into one tight ball of tension in your gut? Do you exercise out your frustrations? Do you have a favorite movie you watch? Do you have a friend that you call that calms you? After a long walk didn't work, then Frank Sinatra did nothing to shake me outta my funk, I came to my blog. I thought sitting down and just typing away would help.

I almost didn't post about my dirty rotten mood. But people ask me what my blog is about and I say, "Life." Well, I can't always be Miss Mary Sunshine if that's the case. This isn't a Utopia. Life is a mixture of good and bad and mistakes and lessons. It's got a dash of insanity and a hint of clarity. But all mixed together and shaken up it makes for a beautiful dish called Life Lessons. Today was a bad day. But the one thing you can guarantee in life is that you can't guarantee a thing. It's just a crazy thing called life. Good or bad, aren't we all blessed to have experienced it?

“Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you're beyond the need of God's grace.”

I Wanna Hold Your Hand....

2009-06-07T13:20:00.000-07:00

Are you a hand holder? I am. I'm a cuddley kinda huggy kinda kissey kinda gal. I love to be hugged and squished and love to smother the ones I love with love. I tell my kids I love them so much I wanna squeeze their guts out. I know, so loving and sweet talking gal am I :)

I love that I took my son to a movie last week and he reached out and held my hand. I know it was dark and no one dare see him holding his mother's hand, but I was thrilled. My baby is still my baby and still very affectionate towards me. I know it's probably not gonna last much longer; therefore, I enjoy every hug and kiss I get.

My daughter holds my hand and I cherish it. She has such smooth and soft skin. She is a knuckle rubber. If she rubs your knuckles you know she loves you. It's just a fact. Both my children are hand holders. Love that.

To this day when I'm sick I remember the feeling of being little and my mom holding my hand and comforting me. It seemed to make everything better. But I didn't just want to hold her hand when I was sick, I wanted to hold her alot as a kid. I still do. Sometimes if I get the giggles or I'm crying and grab her hand. Refer back to paragraph 1 on smothering the ones I love.

Love holding that man of mine's hand. Just the act of him holding my hand makes my heart race uncontrollably. Ahhhh, the power of love...

Anyway, what led me to this topic was a poem I ran across the other day. I wrote it about 12 or so years ago on the way to a wedding. I was riding with my family and bored in the backseat. The upcoming wedding I was about to see and the correlation of exchanging of the rings going through my mind made me think of the importance of our hands. So I wrote this poem. Nothing spectacular, but I wrote it only to be shoved in a poem file never to really be read except by my close family. So today, it's finding it's place on my blog:

Hands

Hands that use to play with dolls
Hands that use to knit shawls
Hands that turned pages to books
Hands that politely met someone and shook
Hands that argued by waving around
Hands white in winter and in summer brown
Hands that blistered from working hard days
Hands that wiped tired tears away
Hands that cooked, hands that cleaned
Hands that cheered for her home team
Hands to pick up babies and hold them tight
Hands to tuck children in at night
Hands to speak without voices
Hands to point out choices
Hands that use to do so much
Can't even do small tasks and such
She use to play the piano so great
But now no one could appreciate
She use to dance into the sun's glare
Now she can't even comb her own hair
Hands that traveled distant lands
and for sixty years wore a wedding band
Hands that once spoke all their own
are withered up and softening bones
As she lay in her hospital bed
looking at her husband wiping tears he shed
She motioned with her hands for him to come near
She knew her time was finally here
So to his loving wife he ran
Her last words were, "Just hold my hand."

Summer Lovin...

2009-05-31T13:01:00.000-07:00

I love summer. Lazy days of summer. I find that funny though, the expression, "Lazy days of summer." Summers usually are hectic and packed full of activities, vacations and hopefully an incredible amount of time in the great outdoors. The other day I heard a woman exclaim she was ready for school to start. Already?! Her kids were driving her crazy. I know I talk so pleasantly about my kids on my blog, because they are GREAT kids. But they are kids. Ornery, like to misbehave and push my buttons, normal kids. But I DREAD school starting. I always go into a semi-depression when my kids go back. Because life moves faster during the school year. Summer does seem, no matter how busy, to move slower. I love that about the season. Kids grow up so fast, freeze frame this moment, take it all in. Don't wish for the day your children won't be home, that time will come soon enough. You will look back at these days and hurt for the times your children were this age. Right now. So love the not so fragrant scent of Deep Woods Off. Cherish the bickering in the back seat as you drive to your vacation destination. Memorize the giggle as your little one catches lightening bugs. Laugh when your child asks you for the 28,000th time , "Are we there yet?" Throw that swimsuit on your overweight body and don't worry about who's looking. Do a belly buster just to show your child you still can.

I love summer. It's a miraculous season where so many memories can accumulate in such a short time. Kind of like childhood.

Childhood is a short season.

~Helen Hayes

Good Morning Beautiful...

2009-05-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you confident in yourself? Do you see what others see? Or do you only see your flaws? Do you worry too much about those flaws or are you accepting of yourself?

I have loved ones that I wish could see themselves like I do. Why do we, as people, only concentrate on what isn't perfect about ourselves? Oh, friends-I'm as guilty as the next one. I have to work on not being so critical on myself. I have gone through life listening to negativity and then confronting myself in the mirror and believing it was true. That was who I was- then accepting it. Not seeing transparent through myself to what was good and true.

Sometimes, I feel as though we put ourselves in front of a circus mirror. Walking up confronting ourselves in the mirror, then seeing ourselves completely in a different way that others do. God wants us to see ourselves in the image He made us in. That is what I wish for you. I want you to see yourself as I do. So giving, unselfish, sweet, sensitive, loving, helpful, so very funny, silly, protective, nurturing, your faith and love for God, your children...but where is that love for yourself? It's almost like the work of a hypnotist. Outside influences can put you in a trance. Make you think your something your not.

Now wake up. As the sun rises every day, you are one of the first things on my mind. YOU are special. Rare and true. Go look in the mirror, see what I see. Flawless. Perfect. Love.

Sunday Morning

2009-05-24T08:37:00.000-07:00

I heart Sundays. I really do. Although I always feel extremely tired on Sundays. It's like the hectic-ness of the week all catches up with me on Sunday. I took my children to church this morning. I had felt bad because it had been a while since I went. It felt so good to go. I loved looking from side to side with my son on one side of me and my daughter on the other and seeing them at prayer time in church. My little girl with special needs knows when it is time to bow her head in prayer. It's touching to see her with her eyes squinted so tight and her hands folded for perfect prayer. These past two years have been tough. But I look around and am so amazed-I have survived, with very little mental scars. But I had a great cushion during my fall. God. He has helped pick me back up and keep me there. Did I mention I love seeing my children in church? There is something satisfying about a child in church. It makes you feel like you are guiding them, trying to steer them on the right path. This isn't a religious lecture, this is a personal belief. I think kids do better and families stay together more when they have an extra member in the family, as top priority. That extra person is God. I have said so many times before how I am a work in progress. Without God in my life, I can't imagine keeping hope alive. I can't imagine seeing the reason behind the bad, and learning from it. I wonder if would be thankful for all I do have. I can't imagine when I am feeling down, not having the ability to look up. But I'm a believer. I hope to instill that faith in my children for a lifetime. Everyone needs a soft place to fall. God is mine. But it isn't only when I'm down, but up, strong, weak, sick, happy, sad. He is my rock.

Thank you God for Sunday morning. Ready to enjoy the day with love in my life, peace in my heart and thankful for the blessings in my life....

Happy Anniversary

2009-05-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

Wasn't it yesterday I was a Bride's Maid in your wedding? Wasn't it just yesterday I admired you in your wedding gown as you started down the isle in the church, anxiously. I watched as you looked adoringly at the awaiting groom. You looked so beautiful in your wedding dress. I imagined us growing up, how you had changed so much over the years. The sister I always had looked up to. The sister who I would announce proudly that I was the younger sister to you. The sister who I would follow like a pest, so I could one day hopefully grow up to be like you. You showed me how to do my hair and make up, and the day you got married I hoped I could be as beautiful bride as you, one day...Wasn't it just yesterday I cried as my big sister pulled away from the church with her new husband, and I realized that I hadn't lost my sister, but had gained a brother, by law and by heart. Wasn't it just yesterday when you said I do, and you have and will, holding and standing by the vows you recited in the church in front of God, your family and your friends. God bless you on your Anniversary. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. Always and forever.

Blue Skies Smiling on Me....

2009-05-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

Isn't this reprieve from the rain wonderful? I spent the evening with my children in the backyard yesterday. Perfect temp, slight breeze, birds chirping, wind chime slightly chiming, kids giggling; you get the idea. It was relaxing. I sat my lazy butt on the ground and started pulling at weeds as I watched the kids play. I feel so productive with every weed I pull. I love it when the ground is so soft the weeds pull easily and you get the root. No fuss, no effort, and the evil greenery is gone. Did I mention I feel productive when I pull weeds?

Life has been going great for me. In my world there are no clouds, the sun is shining and there is a perfect breeze. Flowers are blooming and all is right with the world. I love times in my life like this. Like everything is going my way. I know there will be weeds pop up here and there, but I will fight against them as needed. Life is a garden. Dig it?

For ME?!

2009-05-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

Pinch me. Hard. OK, I know I'm not dreaming, but I am so excited I have to brag. Plus it's my blog and I can brag if I want to! I am such a lucky girl. I was celebrating my 25th birthday (for the 10th time) and the awesome, sweet, thoughtful and listens to me man in my life surprised with a certificate from Amber at the Shabbee Chick for a blog makeover. She has been such an inspiration to me. She is the reason I very first started a blog. She actually encouraged me to start one. Me, being my oh-so non-technical self, thought I couldn't do it. It's become such a therapy to me. The days I don't post I think about posting and fantasize about carving out time in my very busy single-mom life. But when I do it's like sitting down in a hot bubble bath after a long day. It's an AAAAHHHHH feeling. I love it, and it is slowly becoming my baby.

So babies got a new pair of shoes! Plus a new dress and earrings! She is all dressed up and looking oh-so professional and beautiful thanks to my good blogging friend, Amber. She is so amazing! She was so great to work with. She listened to what I told her I liked and came up with this beautiful design. It is so shabby and it's so ME! Go check out her design website! It's called The Shabbee Chick Designs. Check out her portfolio, she is so talented!

So, this man of mine, where do I begin? Just listen. Listen to me (he likes it when I say that :) This man reads my blog. He calls it Gina's Chicken Soup for the Soul. He loves checking into it and reading my new posts. I never even asked him for this makeover, he is just tuned into me so much. I've never met another man so thoughtful. Did I mention he READS my blog? :) He encourages my writings. He has become such a great friend. Like I told him, a best friend. So, Mister, thank you for being there for me. Not for this gift, but the gift of becoming an amazing friend. Listening to me, spending time with me, accepting me for who I am and all my extras that come along with me. You are a blessing. Like I told you, YOU are my birthday present.

Thank you for making this birthday girl so happy...

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-08T19:01:00.000-07:00

When I think of my mom, I think of the sights and smells, textures I remember as a little girl. I remember sitting in my favorite tree on a hot summer day and watching anxiously for her car to cross the bridge and slow to pull in the long, winding driveway. I remember hurrying down the tree and darting to her car to give her a hug. I remember the feel of her not so soft business suit blazer and the smell of her Chanel No. 5. I remember playing with her pearl necklace as I talked to her and asked her what was for dinner. I remember the kiss and hug she would give me before she would, without complaint, start cooking a nice sit down meal for the family to enjoy-after a long hard day at the office. I remember after her bath in the evenings, the sight of her pink bathrobe, the smell of dove soap in the air and how her coming to sit with me as we watched TV before bed, how it was a way to relax me enough I could go to bed with the smell of my mama on me. I loved that. Every mom has their own special smell. My mom's is a distinct one. She somehow always has a way of smelling like roses, I love that about her.

I remember holding her hand on the way to school. I remember the silly names she has always called me. I remember how my heart ached when she was away. I remember crying on her shoulder. I remember the feel of her soft hands stroking my hair as I did, the calming effect she had on me.

I also remember the guidance she gave me. Preparing me for the future. Not too strict, not too lax, but always with love, care, patience and guidance. She kept me on the right path, by example first and foremost. That has taught me so much. She was the example and the rule. She practiced what she preached and lived it every day. She knew I was watching, absorbing her and her ways with my loving and adoring eyes. I studied her for reasons I do now, because when I grow up, I want to be just like her.

Backspace Delete...

2009-05-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wish life came with backspace delete buttons? Friends, I do. I am a person that automatically reacts. I will speak without thinking. I know that honestly is the best policy, but sometimes that policy needs tweaking. I not only need a backspace delete button, I need a processor. To process the information given, then sort it out, think it out and then print out my response. I think that is why I love writing so much. I can get out my thoughts and feelings and when I make an error on what I write I can change it. When you are communicating with someone it's as you speak. Once the words fall out of your mouth they are out there. For that person listening to run them through their processor and then it is all on their perception on what you just said or did. It's tough sometimes to find the words to make someone understand what you are feeling or thinking at that moment. With writing, you have all the words at your fingertips.

Recently I reacted in a way with someone I consider a best friend. I didn't give that said person a chance to explain. I processed it immediately and gave a response. This would have been a perfect time to have a backspace delete button.

As I get older I am working on my reaction time. I try to think it out, process slower and respond with thought and careful consideration. I am a person that is very sensitive and wear my heart on my sleeve. I am defensive, sometimes weak and have to work at not putting walls up. But at least I see this about myself. I am a work in progress. If I didn't work on it I wouldn't have anyone of value in my life. I would be a hermit within my own self and not let anyone in.

I am a person who has a short attention span combined with ditziness is not a good thing. So do a coupla my closest girl friends. One in particular girlie friend I recently picked up for lunch. As she jumped in the car I could tell she had a lot to tell me. She looked exhausted and like she could break down at any moment. I saw her and immediately asked her what was wrong and to tell me all about it. Broke down she did, on the way to the restaurant she vocalized through tears what was heavy on her heart. Being her sweet but oh-so distracted easily self she continues to whimper and try to speak, it was like a button was pushed. She stopped crying and said, "Wow, look at that pretty tree!" Then an at awe smile crept across her face until we had the tree no longer in view. The tears immediately broke free yet again and she remembered what she was so upset to begin with. .

I guess in life we are a constant work in progress. I always say I need a construction sign around my neck because God is constantly working on me. One thing I can do is admit my faults and try to change them. That's a hard thing to do. Sometimes it takes me awhile but eventually the truth can be seen clearly, if you let yourself see.

Oh, look! A fluffy dog!

Now, what was I saying?

Old Fashioned Thunderstorms

2009-04-29T17:24:00.000-07:00

Lord, thank you for all the watering you've been doing in my newly planted flower bed. Whenever you're ready to let us see the sun again, I will be ever so thankful too. Insert vision of me holding my hands in prayer here. Amen.

When I was a little girl and still to this very day, I have had a fear of thunderstorms. Sure, I play it cool for the kids. I have to look like the strong one, right? But when they aren't looking I pace around my home and look out the windows and call my dad who is such a weatherman. He always has been. He is more accurate then any ol stinkin person on the Weather Channel.

So when I was a child and those dark rumbling clouds would creep in like monsters in the sky I would tell my mom I was scared. Her response? "Oh, it's just a good old-fashioned thunderstorm." Now that I am older I have to question that description. What in heaven is an old-fashioned thunderstorm? Hmmmm. So I ask her today. Her response? , "Well, rather than lie to you I made it sound less threatening by adding old-fashioned to it. Ok mom. Like one of my dear friends says, "If you can't convince them, confuse them."

Since I've been spending more time inside (due to the beautiful spring storms and never-ending rain) I've been going through some old papers. Mainly old writings and poems.

I ran across this one and I thought it would be fitting for today. I wrote it many years ago.

Family Photographs

Grandma in her wedding gown

Daddy in his sailor's suit

I often gaze at the photos of my Great Grandma

whom I never knew

I know Great Grandpas face by heart

but also never met

He looks so proud holding my Mother

When she was just an infant

My Mother's Great-Grandfather looks

so small in his school picture I cherish

and my beautiful great grandma three times over

in her lace Victorian dress

How much I treasure Grandpa's baby picture

It always makes me sigh

Even though the picture is black and white

you can see the sparkle in his eyes

How I would have loved to know them

and hear their laughs

But instead I will cherish my rainy day reunions

with my family photographs.

As I finish typing this I hear a rumble in the distance. It must be a good old-fashioned thunderstorm. Off to enjoy my photo albums...

Soft place to land...

2009-04-26T17:38:00.000-07:00

Do you have a soft place to land? When all is hectic and overwhelming, where do you go, what do you do, what is your soft place to land?

For alot of people it's their faith. They can take whatever issues they have and just hand them to the Lord. For some folks it's their home. The minute they walk in the door after a crazy day it's a big sigh for them to just enter in to their own zone, and everything is Ok again. A ha-yuge deep inhale and long exhale as they cross the threshold into their own territory. There are bookworms that can enter a whole new world as they open up a book. For some it's negative things . Some smoke to relieve stress. Then there are food addictions, drug and alcohol addictions. Hurting themselves or the people they love. Anything to cope with two major things. The here and now.

When life gets so hard, where is your soft place? Is it in the arms of the one you love? Or is it as simple as a long hot bath? My son plays his guitar. If he's angry he releases it through his songs. I'm so glad he has that outlet. He goes into his own little zone. His eyes kind of get glazed over and it's just him and his guitar. All is right with the world when he is holding his precious guitar.

When I was a little girl and family very close to me died, it was hard. As a kid I didn't know how to cope. I developed insomnia, I couldn't sleep because my confused head and hurt heart didn't shut off when the sun went down, in fact my thoughts raced and I couldn't relax enough to fall into a restful slumber. I would bring in the sunrise, eyes still wide open and so many thoughts that had multiplied from the dark and lonely void called night.

Until one night. I remember it distinctly. My mom walks in to my room and turns on my light next to my bed. She said, "Here is a notepad and pen. Whenever your thoughts keep you from sleeping, write your them down, no matter how big or small, and you'll be able to sleep. Just use your pen to write down your thoughts and feelings." That night was a changing point for me. As I lay there, with my blank notepad and pen next to my bed, I felt my heart was in a vice. Felt like I couldn't breathe. I realized as my heart was racing as fast as my mind that maybe I should try what she suggested. I turned my bedside light back on and sat up in bed. I sat and held the pen and nothing happened. Then before I knew it my pen was working hard to keep up with my mind. I wrote a poem. My first real poem. That night, I discovered my love of writing and how it makes me feel. Over the years I have written stories and many poems. Some have been read at funerals, given at weddings, some have been framed and given as gifts. Some have been cried over and laughed about. But all have come from my heart. I've always done it for me and how it makes me feel. It's a release, a soft place to land. The following is the first poem I every wrote:

My Rainbow

These colors I have seen

Red, orange, yellow green

These colors are in the sky,

floating slowly, swiftly by

I love this ranbow, you see-

This rainbow is imaginary inside of me.

It is happy and bright,

Shining in the light,

But this rainbow is not always here-

There is a black cloud standing near

But when this black cloud comes, it will rain

and the rainbow will float away in pain

But it will come back after the rain goes away;

and I will say, "Oh, I missed you rainbow" and I will give it a hug

And it will say, "I missed you too"

Then I will be very warm and snug.

That poem still amazes me. I guess because the rainbow in my 10 year old little head represents the outlet I had discovered. The colors each represented my emotions, feelings, good or bad. The storm signified hardships I was going through. I was getting them out and spreading them on paper, not holding them in letting them suffocate me. It was a huge release. That day changed me. I had a way to let it all go and free myself of all I was holding in. The rainbow signified the end of my storm.

That's why this blog is so important to me. I need to carve out more time for it, because it's not quite yet what I want. But I do it for me. I love all of you dear sweet souls that read my blog faithfully and still baffled that you take time out of your busy lives to read my humble little stories and find my mundane life interesting. I do so appreciate it more than you will ever know! You are the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow....

Small Victories

2009-04-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

Picture this: A runner. Running as fast as she can. Heart racing, crowd cheering. With every jerk of leg she gets a little closer to the much anticipated finish line. Just a little bit farther and she will receive the glory of a finished race, applause from an excited crowd and the pride of knowing she did it. With one last effort her feet cross the finish line. She looks up and who does she see? Her mom. Cheering and crying. Crying out of pride, that her daughter made it across another finish line.

Now picture a little girl with down syndrome. She is the runner. She ran the race in the Victory Games which is very much like Special Olympics. She isn't the runner you pictured is she? She's much smaller. In speech and in stature. She isn't the athlete you imagine. But look closely- she's more. Her race, her struggle to reach her goals is not only in the Victory Games. It's in day to day life. Look closer and see her beaming smile. Not just because she finished the race, but she is happy and content in her own life. She doesn't expect perfection, as we "normal" (what the heck is normal?) people do. She is satisfied in her own life. She doesn't care what your outward appearance is. She cares about your heart.
People with special needs are in the true sense of the word "special." They celebrate small victories. I sat in the crowd during opening ceremonies. The announcer stated as part of the days festivities there would be free cotton candy and nachos to be given out. Only at an event like this would the participants act as if each person had won the lottery. I looked around, chuckling to myself as I realized that something so simple as free cotton candy and nachos and there was cheering, jumping up and down, and a couple of atheletes were pretending to eat invisible treats and rubbing their already hungry tummies. That's what it's about...simple pleasures. Maybe THEY are the normal ones, and we all need to learn from them...
As I was watching my daughter today, a girl about 13 who happened to have special needs came up behind me with what I assumed to be her parents. They were telling her how proud they were of her. She said, "Today, I FEEL like a champion!" She talked about the medal she was going to receive as she smiled a beautiful grin while her mom snapped her picture. With tears in my eyes ,I looked at my little girl and thought to myself how I hope she feels like a champion every day. Every day is a struggle for her to keep up with her peers. But she does it with grace, pride and a smile.
If you know anyone with special needs, whether it be a child or adult, don't turn your eyes away and pretend they don't exist. Don't stare either. Don't act appalled and whisper. This is an everyday superhero. They didn't ask to be born this way. They may be slow to learn but they hold the keys to life that it takes us "normal people" a lifetime to learn. They were given the gift of life, they treasure every bit of it. I saw more smiles today then I have seen in a long time. Even though you might not see the superhero cape, it's there. It's on the person with cerebral palsy smiling in the waiting room at the Doctors office. It's on the child that is deaf playing on the playground. It's on the mentally challenged teenager walking across the stage to receive her high school diploma. Learn from them, they have so much to teach us.
My daughter has taught me to celebrate every baby inch forward. As long as we are moving forward we are counting our blessings. We don't need large, swift strides. We aren't running to finish first. We are running to achieve her goals. Slowly, steady and making time to stop and smell the cotton candy and nachos.

Happy Birthday to my son

2009-04-14T14:39:00.000-07:00

Too old for bedtime stories, the tooth fairy, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. Too old for hugs when you pick them up and they wrap their legs around you. Too old for belly zurberts and baby talk. Too old for answers with no explanation, as in, because I said so. Too old for holding hands with your mom in public. Too old for taking treats to school on his birthday. Too old for too much for me to bare.

Too young for driving. Too young for a real girlfriend. Too young for a job. Too young for R movies. Too young for Mature games. Too young for going far from home without an adult. Too young for too big of responsibilities. Too young to explain the pain a mother goes through as a child starts the transformation into an adult.

But just right for right now. I am so blessed. I tell him, how did I get so lucky-out of all the boys in the world how was I so special to get the very best one? Just right for beleiving that in his heart, I hope for a lifetime.

Happy Birthday, son . You fit just right in my heart. God must love me so much to have given me you.

2009-04-12T07:54:00.000-07:00

They placed the cross upon his back

Yet no one seemed to care

The weight across his shoulders

Seemed more then he could bear.

The spikes were driven in his hands

And pounded through his feet

The ones who had convicted him

Were cheering in the street.

The crown of thorns placed on his head

Brought blood upon his brow

The day of prophecy had come

He had to face it now.

The sins of man were laid to rest

He bore a heavy loss

The agony he must have felt

As he hung there on the cross.

The innocent blood of Jesus Christ

Was shed for all to see

The Son of God was crucified

And died for you and me.

Spring Snowstorms....

2009-03-29T07:40:00.000-07:00

Isn't life so unexpected? Is your life how you pictured it would be as a kid growing up? As a kid, you never say,"I want to get married have a couple kids and then go through a divorce and struggle to make ends meet." Well, I never did. I always dreamed I would write books and in my free time be a ballerina. Hey, it could happen! As a kid, I always worried about growing up and having to move away from my parents. My plan was to renovate the storage shed in the back yard and make it my home. The storage shed. Just so I could stay close to my parents. Now I live a whopping 6 minute drive from them and miss them even though I am so close to them. My mother is my boss, well, alot of mothers are our "boss" but mine really is my boss. I mean, I work for her. It's a hoot. We have a great time. In the evenings I call several times to tell her piddly things that really don't deserve a phone call. But that's the relationship we have. I consider myself extremely lucky.

Back to unexpected life experiences. Such as: March 28th. Blizzard like conditions. Who expected that? I was planning out what I want to plant in my front flower bed. I was thinking of all the springlike stuff I was so ready to do. I had all our winter stuff put away and all of our spring/summer stuff out and ready. I had already been sporting my flip-flops. Then temperatures drop, sunny skies turn cloudy and snow starts piling up over our tulips and daffodils. Sure, it's not what we expected. Like life, we plan for one thing, but the one thing we can count on in life is the uncertainty of it. So you muddle through as life throws you snowballs, I mean curve balls. You make it through somehow. Til you see the sun peak out again, the clouds go away and the snow melts and our flowers bloom again. It will all work out, just hold on. Ride the roller coaster of life with your arms in the air, screaming and laughing all the way, not clenching for dear life with your eyes closed and tears streaming down your face. Enjoy the ride, all the twist, turns and loopty loops. Even when sometimes those dips and turns make you feel like your going to throw up.

I am speaking from experience about the roller coaster I feel like I ride every other weekend. I think the toughest thing about divorce is the time away from my children when their father has them. I'm a very protective mother, maybe too much. When he has them I wonder did they eat their dinner, did they remember to brush their teeth before bed, would I get a call in the middle of the night if one of them got sick? Don't get me wrong, as a single mom I am completely exhausted and I use my time without them to do things I can't do with them. Like last night. In a year and a half it was the first time I have ever stayed home and didn't do anything. I watched Pride and Prejudice and The Notebook. Then I watched part of Saturday Night Live and kind of freaked myself out when I laughed out loud and looked around, feeling uncomfortable that I was by myself, cracking up. It was weird. It's hard as a mom to let that control go, whether the dad has them part time or just one night every other week. But it is a sad fact of divorce. My children seem to be adjusting fine. My son sent me a picture from his cell of himself that just said, "Hi mom!" I looked at that over and over and caught myself smiling. He called me several times in the evening for piddly things and I think he missed me.

I wonder how he feels about renovating the storage shed in my back yard. Insert big smiley face here followed by laughter followed by tears here.

ALL ABOARD!!!!

2009-03-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

Let's go on a trip! I wanna get away. Come on! Don't you hear Mister Conductor saying it's time to go? That train is going to leave the station! Grab your bags, let's go!

I don't remember the last time I went away for a vacation. It's been ages. I want to go where no one knows me and see some sights. Eat different foods, go with someone I don't know very well and learn all about that person. Just me, said friend, and a map to throw a dart at to decide where we are going to visit. How awesome and exciting does that sound? Remember on the movie Mermaids when Cher's character got tired of living in a certain location and would close her eyes and throw a dart on the map and that is where she would move herself and her girls to? I love that. Can you imagine?

I'm a coin flipper. If I can't decide on something, big or little, I flip a coin. Makes it an easier just to flip a coin and let the decision be made for you. Ask my friends and family. Even my son will tell you if he's not sure. Just flip a coin. Maybe one day I will give the throwing the dart on the map blind-folded a try. Then go there. Even the happiest and most content of people need a break from normal.

"Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in it's own focus."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

SPRING in my step...

2009-03-17T13:36:00.000-07:00

I heart spring. It's a miracle every year. Everything seems to start anew. Old dirty snow melts away and the magic of spring starts giving subtle hints in buds and greenery just to whisper and remind you that it's just around the corner. Just hold on. You get a fresh start, beautiful things are on the way. Dead grass starts turning green, tulips and daffodils start popping up everywhere. Buds on trees and flowers just whispering, "our beauty is on it's way, just hold on." The cold and dark of winter is just a thing of the past. Each season has it's good and bad. Kind of like life, just when we think everything is so dark and dreary, something in our life happens and we remember that all is not lost, blessings and miracles are around every corner, if you can have the patience to wait it out.

I've had a lot happen recently. But so many good things came out of it and that is what I am trying to concentrate on. I'm healing every day and God has given me a fresh start. A new chance. I'm so glad that all the darkness that I use to hide in is no more. There is no more heaviness on my shoulders. I have no more cross to bare and no one can hold it over me ever again. I'm free. It's a great feeling. Like Spring, fresh and new and clean. I am so glad I have that gift. I'm so thankful for the gift of a fresh start. New friends. My faith. The blessings of friends and family that have supported me through the dead of winter and are still here as spring appears. No wonder I have a spring in my step. Life is good.

It came without ribbons....

2008-12-28T08:25:00.000-08:00

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling, and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

I hope your Christmas was more. I hope that your day was bountiful not by the gifts you received but the love in your heart, and it carries with you all year long!

What's in a name?

2008-12-22T07:11:00.000-08:00

What's in a name? Aren't you curious as to what your name means? Any nicknames? Nicknames are always given for a reason. Don't you think it is interesting to find out what others got their nicknames from? Funny stories, we have all got them, and our families usually have many that have nicknames for one reason or another.

Why is my blog named Live Laugh Lovely? When I first started this blog, I couldn't think of what to name it. I filled out all the important information and as it asked me what I was going to name my blog, I sat and looked blankly. I thought, how can I start a blog, know what to type-what to talk about, if I don't even know what to name it? Then this is going to be a name that sets my blogs apart from the rest and I couldn't think.... I hit a brick wall. I had heard the saying, Live well, Laugh often, Love much and thought I would shorten it to Live Laugh Love. It was taken. So I added the ly on the love to make, uh... you guessed it Lovely. I wiked it. So there you go, now you know and you can get on with your life! Love learning out what is in a name! Why, how, when- someone got there name or nicknames. It defines them. For the rest of their lives.

The most important name that I have learned the name for means God of Salvation. Jesus Chist. The New Testament was written in Greek, and the name "Jesus" here means the same in Greek as the Hebrew name "Joshua." "Joshua" means literally God is salvation. So the angel's message to Joseph was "You shall call His name 'God is salvation,' for He will save His people from their sins." That name tells us of Jesus' purpose in God's plan-that it is through Him that God saves humanity.

There are things I can tolerate and things I can't. I cannot stand it when people take the Lord's name in vain. IS there anything else you can say besides that? He put you on this earth. Died for your sins. When things don't go right, as they many times don't in an imperfect world, don't take His name in vain. Remember what his name means. Remember the love He has for you. Celebrate it this Season, because He is the Reason. Carry that feeling with you all year round, and when you say his name, say it in thankfulness and gratitude for the life He gave you.

Tis the season, but what's the reason?

2008-12-07T15:44:00.000-08:00

Ahhh. Sunday. Sunday evening at my house. The sights and sounds in my house right now are; My son is sitting next to me, as I type this. He is making up a new song with his guitar. It sounds amazing, but have I mentioned he is amazing? My daughter is giggling as she watches her favorite video. Other than that the only sound is the humming of my computer and the clicking of my fingers on this keyboard.

I can't believe this is the 7th of December. 18 days until Christmas. Let me grab my megaphone. 18 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!

My shopping is almost completed. It's easy when you are broke, uh... on a budget! Insert sarcastic smile followed by laughter followed by tears here.

I was shopping the other night for the occasion. Christmas music was over the speakers, I had my warm puffy coat on and was warm, warm in my heart, in my spirit and in my outlook that even though I am short on funds this year my children will have a GREAT Christmas this year.

My excited-ness paused for a moment when I saw different families in the store, running around frantically and stressed. I heard a women who's little girl was looking at DVDs shouted to her very young daughter just to shut up and leave her alone. She had many ,what appeared to be gifts, in her cart, and I think the stress of the money she was about to spend overwhelmed her. I saw another family with a small baby fighting, with a full cart of what also appeared to be gifts. I'm a single mom. On a very small budget. I'm not stressed about Christmas. I'm excited, my kids are excited. They know not to ask for much. My son had just a few things on his list and is so concerned that I get what I want. I want a blessed day. With my blessed family. For we have warmth in our hearts and in our knowing of what the Season is about. It's not about gift cards and jewelry or toys. The biggest gift is the love we give to our families and the appreciation of what the day stands for. Jesus was born on Christmas Day. He is the gift. Every day. December 25th-through the next December 25th. Every day we receive the gift of Him. You can't charge that or wrap it or return or exchange it. You can give it. Give it in the form of loving your neighbor. Open the door for the elderly woman at the post office. Follow someone to the car in the parking lot that is not physically able to get around well and help them unload their groceries. Give a smile to someone who looks like they are lost in the world. Wave at the stranger driving down the street. Love. It's the best gift you can give. I look forward the most to playing games with my family on Christmas day. The sounds of laughter and silliness and happiness, those are the times I cherish. Do you remember much of what you got last year? I can't. I do remember the love I felt with the family I am so blessed to have and the amazing thing is it is free.

Enjoy the season, remember the reason. The gifts are all around you, tell them all how much you love them. For they are the people around you in your life. There are so many miracles in your life, happening all around you, right now. Notice them! Then say a prayer thanking Him for the price He paid for everyone of the gifts you get to cherish EVERYDAY. Not just December 25th.

Out of the mouths of....

2008-12-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

Isn't it amazing what kids say? I mean really. My son says the most profound things. Let me start over. My son. He is 10. He has an ooooollllldddd soul. He says and thinks and ponders things kids his age aren't worried about. He feels for others and thinks ahead about his life and the meaning of it. He is amazing. Lately he has been coming up with his own motivational quotes, to help him think positively. Recently he came up with a few I thought were justifiably genius. He is after all, my son. Insert sarcastic smile here.

Be careful not to
crack the vase that holds your truth.

Attitudes are
contagious, is yours worth catching?

Today is just the tomorrow you
worried about yesterday.

God bless you son, you are a wonderful young man. I love you and so proud of the person you are.

SPECIAL thanks

2008-11-25T14:40:00.000-08:00

As Thanksgiving approaches we all give thanks for our blessings in life. Suddenly small things we take for granted start being counted as huge blessings and the bountiful blessings we new already existed become that much bigger. But as a caretaker and mother to an angel on earth, I want to take this time to share something I ran across written by Terri Mauro. Reasons to give thanks for special needs children. I hope whether you have a special needs child or not you can appreciate it and it will make you smile.

______________________

As if you need a reason! Parents of children with special needs know more than most that every child is a gift worthy of thanks, every one, the ones who thrive and the ones who strive, whether they become our legacy or we become theirs. But on those days when there doesn't seem much to be thankful for, or others are suggesting that your child must be just a burden, or well-meaning charities suggest giving thanks for healthy kids, check this list for a smile and a little inspiration.

1. You never have to worry about worrying over nothing.Let other parents obsess over the frivolous and the shallow. Your child will make sure you always have something worthy to worry about.

2. Developmental delays = more years of hugs, kisses, and little-kid sweetness.My 13-year-old still wants to sit in my lap, give me hugs, and tell me he loves me. What mom of a sullen teen doesn't secretly wish for the same?

3. Maybe someday, Ty Pennington will come build you a house.Hey, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition loves families of children with special needs. Your little one may be your ticket to a lavish living space.

4. Any little milestone is a cause to throw a party.Your child works hard for every step, sit-up and syllable, giving you lots to be excited about.

5. Every day is a learning experience.Some days it's a pop quiz, some days it's a crash course, but life with your child is always an education, for sure.

6. You have the privilege of putting several doctors' children through college.After paying for all those appointments, you may feel like a one-family scholarship foundation. Put your child's name on some letterhead and take pride.

7. You meet a better class of parent in waiting rooms and support groups.Your child frees you from having to hang out with those snotty parents on the playground, and gives you entry into an exclusive club of people who are sensitive, sarcastic, and sure of their priorities.

8. You have an iron-clad escape excuse for any occasion.You'd love to stay at that boring party, crowded event, endless church service, but, you know, your child just can't tolerate it. (And if sometimes it's you who can't tolerate it -- who's to know?)

9. Coming up with new strategies every day keeps your brain sharp.They say doing crossword puzzles helps ward off Alzheimer's. Figuring out your child's schedules and treatments and lessons and rights and restrictions must easily provide twice the protection.

10. Your blessings will always be fully counted.Other parents may take the gifts that their children bring for granted. Not you. Not ever.

Take a walk!

2008-11-22T09:28:00.000-08:00

Go on, get out of here! Get off the computer. Put on your sweats and your tennis shoes, then grab your coat and gloves and all the cold weather essentials. It's close to Thanksgiving, so give thanks that we have a BEEEEEAAUUUTTTIFFFULLL day to enjoy so go out and enjoy it! I'm not a fair weather walker. You can dress your body for the elements, so there is no excuse unless it's pouring rain or blinding snow or dangerous ice. It may be cold today but the fall colors and sunshine here make it so tempting to just throw caution to the cooooold wind and go for it! How good will you feel coming back into a warm house and your face will be all rosy and you will feel so rejuvenated. It will give you energy and on your way thank God for all His blessings that you can enjoy today.

So go take a walk! I am!

Making Memories

2008-11-14T06:22:00.000-08:00

This is how I want to drive my kids to school everyday. My 10 year old son wouldn't appreciate it, but it would definitely make a memory. That is what I always say when I do something a little out o' the ordinary with my children. Making memories, we are making a great memory. So even if I go and do something so stupid my son looks at me with the look of, I am in your care?!! What do I say? Making memories. We just made a memory. A memory that will make us smile, even if at the time we are embarrassed, mortified and never think we will live it down. Well, you probably WON'T live it down but you've....made a memory!

Do you call your children nicknames? When my son was a baby, I called him pumpkin head. PUMPKIN HEAD? That's the best I could do? It seemed to fit him well. He was big and plump and round and so was his ittle wittle head. Well, his pumpkin head. So cute. Now I call him by abbreviations, not to embarrass him. He is my SLL. My sweet little lamb. Can't call him that in public. But SLL I can, so I do. When he gets hurt he is my PLL. Poor little lamb. When he is tired he is my TLL, tired little lamb. He is 10 and I don't think he will let me do it much longer. Oh! He is so cute. He is my HLF. Handsome little feller.

My little girl is princess, or sweet girl, or even just beautiful. Because she is regal and sweet and beautiful on the inside and out. She has a beautiful heart, and it radiates through her sweet little eyes and her disposition. Even on her worse days, yes it does. They are both my SLL's.

Yesterday as I was dropping off my son to school, he turned around and shouted, not far from his friends on the playground. He said, "Thanks for the biscuits this morning and thanks for all of your love!" I just sat there, in the line up of cars waiting to drop off their children also, waiting for me to move my sentimental butt out of their way, and contemplated jumping out of the car and pinching off his SLL cheeks.

Making Memories.

2008-11-07T19:43:00.000-08:00

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

-Theodore Roosevelt

Single Chick

2008-11-06T13:41:00.000-08:00

Okay. Comfy seat. Check. Diet Coke. Check. Fingers aligned in the proper keyboard position. Check. Ready to discuss what I have been putting off? Nope.

But here goes.

I am a single mom. Just a minute. Let me get my tissues. I am. a. single.mom. Its sooooo trying. Its soooo difficult. Its exhausting. Its everything they tell you but you don't want to believe. I am learning that I have embrace my singleness. Yes, embrace it. Right now that is my calling. I am. to be. single. And proud. and happy. and single. BUT not alone. I do have amazing friends and family. My children are wonderful and a joy and it's not that I am lonely. But it is tough. I have dated a little and they basically proved I am not ready to have a relationship yet. So this choice, this choice I am taking to be a strong, independent woman, with her head held high and leading her children in the right direction and making the right decisions for herself and her family is a right one. But. it. is. hard.

Some days I don't want to get out of bed. Some days I don't want to go to bed. Some days I look at my children and wonder if I am making the right decisions for them and helping them as much as I should. Thinking too far ahead for them, not thinking past tomorrow, playing the amidoingtherightthingforthemrightnow game in my head.

It's exhausting. (Insert sleepy faced yawn and stretch here)

But it's worthwhile. There are times when the children seem as though they are flourishing, happier than ever. Giggling and enjoying life and doing well in school and at home. Then I stand back and give myself a pat on the back.

BUT there are times I don't feel as though I am doing the right thing, making the right decisions for them. I feel as though every day is a check mark another screw up for me day, and carry it on my shoulders. The weight of that is too heavy for one person to carry. Wish there were another to help.

But there is another. He is my soul mate. He is my everything. I talk to Him and He listens. He doesn't always do what I wish He would. What I ask Him to. But he is ALWAYS there. He is what gets me through. So I pray. I know whatever happens He will get me through.

It is so tough being a single mom. But there are ways to help along the rocky path, to make it a smoother ride. Here are my oh so useful tips for the single mom or any mom or busy lady out there.

Pray. Not going to harp on the subject (insert sounds and images of an angel playing the harp) Heehee.

Take time for you. If your ex has the children, make time for you. Do things you enjoy that are not about children, but about you. Rent a movie, paint your toenails. Shave your legs even though the only thing that will notice are your bed sheets. Just don't forget about you. Your children need to know mom is happy when they leave, and that when they come home she will be rested, refreshed and renewed.

Baths.

Baths. Hot ones. Ones with bubbles, ones without. Ones with candles, ones with music, some with all the above. Loofahs and back brushes and bath pillows. AAAAHHHHHH take me away!

Caffeine. Caffeine works wonders. Drink lots. In large quantities. Most effective in the am, pm and every time in between.

Walk. Walking is a big stress reliever in my life. It clears my head and helps me stop and smell the roses. Well, I don't actually stop, because when you exercise you are to keep your heart rate up. But enjoying the nature in all it's glory and walking through the neighborhood is such a feel good exercise. So go get rosy cheeked by walking, you'll feel better!

Music. Download your favorite music on your mp3. When you are busy around the house keep your ear buds in and dance. Nobody sees you. IF your kids see you how neat will they think it is that you have lost your mind and are dancing around the house and happy? When I am down I listen to Frank Sinatra. Love him. His voice soooooooothes me. He is singing to me. He told me so.

Magazines. I love house decorating magazines. Love to look at decorating websites online also. It's fun and gets your mind working for projects your handy woman self can do too!

Girlfriends. My best friend makes me giggle every day. She reads my mind, even texts me when she can feel I am having a rough time. Don't ask. Its a weird thing we both can pick up on. My sister is a good girlfriend of mine too.

Moms. Love my mom. She is amazing. She gives me advice on the worst of days. It consists of "Deal with it and put on your big girl panties!" What would I do without her?

Play with your children. With no distractions. No TV. Take in the sites and sounds of the experience. It is fleeting. Etch it in your memory. There is no time like the present. Enjoy YOUR gifts. Your blessings.

And as my mom says, wear your big girl panties.

One of my favs

2008-11-04T12:11:00.000-08:00

Though nothing can bring back the hour

Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower

We will grieve not, but rather find

Strength in what remains behind.

BOO!

2008-10-31T06:33:00.000-07:00

Halloween wraps fear in innocence, As though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror then, be turned into a treat...

~Nicholas Gordon

Good girl

2008-10-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

I am a good girl. Ask my friends. Ask my family. Ask the neighbors. Ask my kids. I am a nice girl. Too. nice. too. good. I have always trusted people. I have always put my faith in people, even if they give me reasons or warning signs not to.

My friends make fun of me because I spell my cuss words. When I am very mad. I spell them. I am proud of that. As my mom always said, no one likes a potty mouth. It's true. Talk like a lady, be treated like one, right?

I believe in pinky swears and promises. I have a horrible disorder though. I tell on myself. Have since I was little. I believe in the clean slate theory. If you have a clean slate you don't have to worry about erasing anything to hide it from anyone. You are open, honest, trustworthy.

There aren't many people in this world who are this way. It is very scary. People lie easily. Who does it hurt? People like me. People like me who believe in pinky swears, promises and truth and clean slates. Not perfect, I have made SOOOO many mistakes. But when it comes to my mistakes they have always been followed up by a lesson.

I am very non judgmental. I think that comes with the honesty thing. People who are honest usually admit their faults and also see others with faults as human and don't judge. I think it goes hand in hand.

I believe in gut feelings, uneasy knots in your stomach when you know something is not right. I think God gives us those uh-oh, somethingsnotright feelings. I really do. I think you choose to listen to them or you choose to ignore them and then learn your lesson later.

I have had to pay attention lately to my gut instincts. I didn't like it. Didn't like what it told me. So kept ignoring it. It ate away at me and I didn't eat. Felt stressed. Finally woke up and realized what was in front of me all along. My lesson? Listen to your gut feelings. Quickly.

I can't lie. I think if I did I would probably throw myself into a convulsion. Or if I thought about lying I would display some type of tick. My friends know I can't lie. I will tell on myself if I do.

Wouldn't it be awesome if people's noses did actually grow like Pinocchio when we lie? How funny would that be? How honest would we all learn how to be?

Life is too short. Be you. Be yourself. At the end of the day, make sure your slate is clean, and your nose is short.

Steppin out with my bloggy...

2008-10-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

Can I get a big round of applause?!!! I AM BLOGGING AT HOME!!!!! Imagine me, right now, doing a happy dance! AT HOME!!!! No ringing office phone to distract me in the middle of my post, noooo! Although I do have a little one who just brought me the jug of orange juice. Ugh, distractions! Who, cares though? I am typing at home, on my blog- and I am so very excited.

My dad is so funny about my blog. My mom tells me he checks into it quite often and gets a kick out of reading it. I love my dad. He is an inspiration to me. I don't know if I tell him enough, but he is. He knows why I think that, don't you dad?

As I have become a single mom my dad has become my knight in shining armour, mister fix-it, handyman, broken heart fixer and proof there are still amazing men out there. I have mentioned before my dad is a man of few words. But when he speaks his words matter. I want to be like that. Say very little, but say what needs to be said at the exact moment I intend to say it.

So dad, I hope I can give you some better reading material. I know since I started this blog I have had such a life changing event I almost shut it down. I haven't been able to post much because I only had a office computer. One more goal checked off for me!

Now whattheheck do I talk about?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Witchy woman

2008-10-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how many times I have logged on to post on my blog. It's so hard at work! I am still computerless at home as NO donations have come in to date (come on people, aren't I a good enough charity) Did anyone not read my post on blogging therapy? I need my therapy AT HOME too not just AT WORK!!! PPPPTTTTTHHHHHH!!!!

I love to blog. I can't wait until I have a computer at home so I can post whenever I darnwellplease. I will have so much fun searching for clip art to my hearts desire and coming up with new ideas and really pimp my blog. OK, not pimp. Shabby it up. Gets me excited!

Posting when I am down does make me feel better. It's like an online therapist. A journal. It's indescribable until you try it yourself. When you have a bad day, sit down and post. You feel a little bit lighter, it's true! Try it.

Maybe if I could post every day I would be in a better mood. Take time for myself and carve out a little time every day (or almost every day) to post. I deserve it! All busy moms do. I feel like I am always rushing and scurrying around like a mouse on red bull. Seems like there are not enough hours in the day. But I am happy and content in my life, just in a mylifeisflyingbywaytofastitsmakingmecrazy mood. Need to take time to slow down..... and blog.

Still taking donations! Heehee.

2008-09-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to my dear, sweet mother. She is 22 years old today. Insert sarcastic smile here.

You would never know her age if you looked at her. She has no wrinkles. She will tell you she uses no fancy wrinkle creams. She smells of dove soap (you know, the pink bar) and she also uses Oil of DELAY cream. Religously. I have started with the same routine so I can have oh so smooth and botox free and wrinkle free face when I am her age. 22 years. Heehee.

She is the best mom. I know I NEVER mention it but she is. She is my kindred spirit best friend forever. She is finish my sentence because we know exactly what each other is thinking and feeling. Our likes and dislikes are very similar also. Get this. I work in the same office with my mother. It's alot of fun. Most people it would drive crazy. We have a great time and I cherish the extra time I get with her.

Happy birthday, Mom. I hope to grow up to be just like you.

And the dingbat is.......ME!

2008-09-17T11:25:00.001-07:00

I think I am suffering from dingbat syndrome. Mama dingbat syndrome. Mama is so busy she can't think straight dingbat syndrome. Have you ever TYPED dingbat? It doesn't feel right. Doesn't feel correct. Maybe it's because I am a dingbat. But usually I'm a dingbat who can halfway spell.

So I call in a pizza recently. Go to pick it up. They asked me what the call in name was. What did I say? "Pizza." You should have seen his face. He gave me one of those your a weird one who shouldn't own a drivers license looks. I blushed and then gave him my name. I think I gave him my main alias. Dingbat Mama.

I think all busy moms can relate. Like I mentioned in a back to school post recently. Trying to pay for school supplies with my drivers license. I have given people my library card before as id. Dingbat.

I can recall once being so frazzled that I was juggling taking the kids to the grocery store and running errands and made a quick pit stop at McDonald's drive-thru. Pulling up to the speaker, going to order the oh-so usual for the kids and with everything else on my mind I need to do after I went completely blank. Total. brain. fart. So she welcomes me to McDonald's and offers to take my order and I say, "Uh............ I would like a........ uhhhhhhh.... actually.......I'll take uh.............2 of your uh.......you know, your uh..... smiley, kind of funny, kind of feel good kinda meals."

SILENCE, followed by chuckles, and more silence.

"Ma'am, do you mean you would like 2 HAPPY MEALS?"

"Yes, and for dessert I will stick my foot in my mouth, thank you.", I thought.

DINGBAT SYNDROME. I can't get rid of it! No, I am not going to reference blonde's or make any blonde jokes right now. I am so dark headed it's not funny. If it weren't for highlights my hair would be close to black. So hair color plays no part people!

I think I get my dingbat syndrome from my mom. She is a riot though. My mom can't remember people's names. So instead of NOT saying what she thinks their name might be, she guesses. SHE GUESSES! She thinks, what do they look like their name would be, and calls them by whatever pops in her cute little head! And she's so adorable nobody gets mad at her, she gets away with it!

She butchers every name. People's names, movies, foods. DO NOT EVER take that woman to a Mexican restaurant. You will choke on your chips when she orders. Not only will she butcher the Spanish pronunciation she will order it as though the person is deaf. Like if she yells it they will miraculously understand her.

My sister is very intelligent but she suffers from it also. Only it's through her vision. If you take that girl driving at night, she will mistaken a deer for a camel. IN THE MIDWEST, PEOPLE. If you see a camel in the road you don't just make an observation as in, "Oh look, a camel." You call 911. A circus train has derailed. She has mistaken a horse for a zebra and a dog for a horse. The girl shouldn't drive at night. She probably thinks a solar powered car is a UFO.

Dingbat syndrome must run in our family.

Oh look, I just put my foot in my mouth again. Sorry Mom and Sis!

Heehee.

2008-09-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful parents. Today is their 44th wedding anniversary. Years. 44. Godblessem. I love my parents so much. I know I have never mentioned that before on this blog (ahem, ok, maybe a coupla times) but I do. Since I was a little girl I have prayed every night thanking God for blessing me with them. In their card I gave them today I mentioned how every year they have given ME the gift on their anniversary. The gift of getting to grow up in a home that has two parents that truly love each other, accept each others flaws and loves each other unconditionally. How I get to witness it as they grow older and they are riding out the storms in the sea of life. There they are, hanging on. Together.

They are a delight to watch. They interact very comedically with each other but unintentionally. I just like to sit back and giggle under my breath sometimes.

So with tears in my eyes and love in my heart, Happy Anniversary, dear Parents. I love you.