- Do you like analogies? I do. Sometimes. Makes me understand things easier. So I will give you an analogy today with my oh-so-late blog posting that seems to be as if I just posted it yesterday. But it was before Christmas. BEFORE CHRISTMAS! I'm sorry for not posting like I use to. I made a vow to myself that I would start blogging more. But I haven't. It's not because I've been busy. But I have been busy. It's not because I haven't been on my computer. Because I have. Been on my computer that is...but, the truth is, I haven't been feeling like myself.... I have said before that blogs should be used as therapies. They are great for that. They feel like an on-line diarrhea diary session. Just get everything out. Off your chest and through your fingertips onto the computer keyboard and with one push of the button everyone has the opportunity to read what's heavy on your heart and mind. (If that is, they stumble upon your blog, and I don't think that's an issue in my case:)
- Back to what I was getting at. I haven't felt like blogging. Honestly, I haven't felt like me at all. My life is going fine, I have many blessings I'm thankful for but it's hard for me to explain what's going on with me right now.
So here's where my analogy comes into play. It's almost like for so long I was this little worm. I was use to being a worm. Then I left a situation that left me down in the dirt for so long. I started making my home (spinning my cocoon) for my children and I-setting up this new home and life for us.- Metamorphasis. I changed. I had grown these beautiful wings and was having a great time using them. I felt beautiful again. Free. I enjoyed all the things that I feel I had missed out on so long. Becoming Gina. I did feel like a beautiful butterfly...
- Then I smacked into a car windshield (insert laughter here)
- I have hit a lull. Some days I feel like I have to fight myself from transforming BACK into that worm. Self-doubt, uncertainty, sensitivity. Attacks on myself, not from others, but myself. My own worst enemy seems to be: Me. Myself, and I.
So my New Years Resolution? Finding my wings again. Reminding myself that I am a beautiful woman of God. The one he intended for me to be. I don't have to live up to any standards. Love those around me like they should be loved. Leave the past in the past. Dream about tomorrow. Hope for the future, but be happy with right now. When I look in the mirror, remember to see past what's at the surface. When I look at my children, remind myself that I can take a little bit of credit for their smiles. When I look at my home, be proud I have spun my cocoon into a safe and happy enviroment for myself and my children.
I have to take care of these wings. I need to love myself so that I can teach my children to love themselves, so that one day, with a little bit of love, care and guidance, they can spread their beautiful wings and fly.
