Isn't life so unexpected? Is your life how you pictured it would be as a kid growing up? As a kid, you never say,"I want to get married have a couple kids and then go through a divorce and struggle to make ends meet." Well, I never did. I always dreamed I would write books and in my free time be a ballerina. Hey, it could happen! As a kid, I always worried about growing up and having to move away from my parents. My plan was to renovate the storage shed in the back yard and make it my home. The storage shed. Just so I could stay close to my parents. Now I live a whopping 6 minute drive from them and miss them even though I am so close to them. My mother is my boss, well, alot of mothers are our "boss" but mine really is my boss. I mean, I work for her. It's a hoot. We have a great time. In the evenings I call several times to tell her piddly things that really don't deserve a phone call. But that's the relationship we have. I consider myself extremely lucky.
Back to unexpected life experiences. Such as: March 28th. Blizzard like conditions. Who expected that? I was planning out what I want to plant in my front flower bed. I was thinking of all the springlike stuff I was so ready to do. I had all our winter stuff put away and all of our spring/summer stuff out and ready. I had already been sporting my flip-flops. Then temperatures drop, sunny skies turn cloudy and snow starts piling up over our tulips and daffodils. Sure, it's not what we expected. Like life, we plan for one thing, but the one thing we can count on in life is the uncertainty of it. So you muddle through as life throws you snowballs, I mean curve balls. You make it through somehow. Til you see the sun peak out again, the clouds go away and the snow melts and our flowers bloom again. It will all work out, just hold on. Ride the roller coaster of life with your arms in the air, screaming and laughing all the way, not clenching for dear life with your eyes closed and tears streaming down your face. Enjoy the ride, all the twist, turns and loopty loops. Even when sometimes those dips and turns make you feel like your going to throw up.
I am speaking from experience about the roller coaster I feel like I ride every other weekend. I think the toughest thing about divorce is the time away from my children when their father has them. I'm a very protective mother, maybe too much. When he has them I wonder did they eat their dinner, did they remember to brush their teeth before bed, would I get a call in the middle of the night if one of them got sick? Don't get me wrong, as a single mom I am completely exhausted and I use my time without them to do things I can't do with them. Like last night. In a year and a half it was the first time I have ever stayed home and didn't do anything. I watched Pride and Prejudice and The Notebook. Then I watched part of Saturday Night Live and kind of freaked myself out when I laughed out loud and looked around, feeling uncomfortable that I was by myself, cracking up. It was weird. It's hard as a mom to let that control go, whether the dad has them part time or just one night every other week. But it is a sad fact of divorce. My children seem to be adjusting fine. My son sent me a picture from his cell of himself that just said, "Hi mom!" I looked at that over and over and caught myself smiling. He called me several times in the evening for piddly things and I think he missed me.
I wonder how he feels about renovating the storage shed in my back yard. Insert big smiley face here followed by laughter followed by tears here.
