Blue

I am blue. Down in the dumps. Sad. No good, dirty rotten very bad.... week. I am in a funk. The amazing thing is I have been very busy. Usually when I am busy I am not so down. Who has time to whine? Apparently this week I do. But I cant seem to shake it. I think a lot of it is every year when the kids go back to school I start pondering the meaning of life and how fast it flies by. My babies are growing up. My life has changed so much in only one year's time. I am a single mom now and I feel so overwhelmed and exhausted and incredibly grown up and responsible for myself and two little lives. How it scares me. But at the same time they are adjusting so well and are happier than ever, so I must be doing something right, right? How do I know?

How do I know? Well, I guess I pay more attention to the giggles and the hugs and kisses and the thank you's and the I love you mom's. I should pay less attention to the nagging voice in my mind saying "Watch out or you might screw up!"

I have faith. Lots of it. First of all faith in God. Whenever I get in a hole like this I look up. Pray. Works wonders. I also have faith in my family and friends. That I have a back up for when things are unsure and I am not sure if I can do it on my own. Faith that they will be there to guide and support me, tell me if I am crazy or hopefully put me out of my misery when I get in a funk like this.

I also need to remember to count my blessings. Look at all the gifts around me. My amazing and talented son. The talent that he has to walk into a room and make me smile and feel warm and fuzzy and oh so proud. The blessings of my daughter with all of the challenges she faces every day, how much she loves and cherishes life with what she has been given. My parents. Oh. My parents. Words can't describe. Thank God for them. At the end of the day, I pray and thank God for giving me such glorious parents. My sister and brother-in-law and my oh so rare and sweet nephew. Love them. My old and dear friends who are my extended family. What would I do without them? My new close friend and said friend's son. Counting them as a huge blessing. I have a comfortable home with all the necessities. We are all at the moment healthy. Huge gift.

I started this post with a heavy heart, struggling to get the energy and motivation I usually have to post. But now I am sitting up a little bit straighter, my heart a little bit lighter. The feeling that sometimes when all else fails just stop. Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done.